- Giving Your Erotic
- Variations and
- Learning More about
- Getting Massage
- Appendix A: Additional
Male Genital Massage Ideas
- Appendix B: Additional
Female Genital Massage Ideas
- Appendix C: Safer Sex
- Appendix D: Music
Note: A "Part II"
has been written for this guide. We recommend that you read this document (Part
I) first, as these two documents will make the most sense when read in order.
The General Approach this Guide Takes
This guide teaches how to give and receive erotic massage. It discusses how to
help your partner relax, and discusses how to help your partner experience
extended or multiple orgasms as part of your massage. A common arrangement is
for one partner to receive a massage first, and then to return the favor, but of
course how you choose to arrange this is up to you and your partner.
It's best to perform erotic massage while your partner is lying on a massage
table of some kind. After preparing your space to be warm and pleasing, you can
start with a sensual and relaxing general massage before shifting the focus to
your partner's sex centers. The idea is to bring your partner to high levels of
arousal, and keep him or her there for a while. For men, this is best done
through verbal or non-verbal communication which allows stimulation to be slowed
down, changed, or stopped before ejaculation becomes inevitable (stimulation
then continues in a few moments, after the urgency fades). For women, this is
best done by using G-Spot and/or clitoral massage to bring her to multiple
orgasms, which naturally tend to take place over an extended period of time.
Erotic massage can work equally well for same-sex as for opposite-sex
partners. Additionally, as having someone pleasure you with their hands doesn't
tend to bring up the same set of cultural fears and judgments that oral sex or
intercourse sometimes do, it sometimes works well even when your partner isn't
of a gender you are normally attracted to.
Set and Setting
Taking the time to create a sensual and appealing environment for your erotic
massage shows that you care about your partner and value pleasure. Start by
turning off the phones. You may wish to put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on
the door, illuminate the room with either candles or soft indirect lamps, burn
incense, and turn up the heat to where one would be comfortable lying down
naked. Keep your lubricants, oils, and gloves (if needed or desired) within easy
reach, and cover the massage table with a blanket and place a clean sheet over
this blanket. You can let the sides of the blanket and sheet drape over the
sides of the table so that they may be brought up to cover the receiving partner
(keeping him or her warm) after the massage is finished. Pieces of (possibly
fake) fur or feathers can be used for additional sensual tantalization, and an
eye pillow or blindfold can be helpful in blocking out any unwanted light for
Putting a CD (or prerecorded tape) of your favorite
music on repeat play is a good idea. Some people are more comfortable with a
pillow or rolled bath towel underneath their knees and/or head (when lying face
up) or their ankles (when lying face down), and some women will be more
comfortable with a pillow underneath their hips; if this is your first massage
with your partner you might want to experiment a little or ask him or her.
If you're going to be giving the massage, take a look at your fingernails and
clip them if necessary.
One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs to be
used when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience more
pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing. One difference between men
and women is that one may use oil-based, water-based,
or silicone-based lubricants on men, while one should use only water-based
lubricants on women to avoid encouraging vaginal infections. For genital massage
on men, or for massage elsewhere on a man or woman's body, you can purchase
special massage oils at massage supply shops or else just use a light vegetable
oil (such as Safflower, Sunflower, or grapeseed) from the supermarket.
Lubricants and oils should be reapplied as necessary, so it's good to keep them
It's very convenient to have flip-top squeeze bottles for lubes and oils, and
one of those massage oil "belts" that massage supply shops sell. Since
many of these belts have two pockets, you could use one for lube and the other
for massage oil. Be sure lubes and oils are warm before putting them on someone;
if you wish you can run hot tap water over your flip-top bottles for a few
minutes before using them, or maybe you could just keep the plastic bottles in a
bowl of warm water instead of using a belt. It's also a good idea to put
lubricants in your hand before applying them so you have a chance to rub your
hands together to warm them if necessary. Oh, and one final word of advice:
please be sure any water-based lube you may be using DOESN'T contain
Nonoxynol-9. In this context Nonoxynol-9 is unlikely to do anything but
During both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage it's
important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests
and comments. He or she should feel free to mention anything that is getting in
the way of his or her comfort and pleasure. Requests to go to the bathroom, for
touch to be harder or lighter, to take a break or stop, for the heat to be
turned up, etc., are all signs that levels of communication and trust are high.
They are also signs that the receiving partner is paying attention to his or her
feelings, which is a key to experiencing greater and greater pleasure.
Some people find that sex and/or pleasure can bring up difficult emotional
issues for them. When someone is crying, or in a similarly distressed emotional
state, it's usually best to just be there for that person and reassure them that
it's OK to cry (possibly while holding them) rather than trying to rationally
discuss what is going on or engage in problem-solving. Asking them what they
need rather than assuming too much is also a good idea.
I hope it goes without saying that you both should be in agreement that your
relationship includes the possibility of sexual intimacy before going ahead with
an erotic massage. Situations where the giving partner tries to shift a
relaxation massage into an erotic realm for the first time, but the receiving
partner was expecting or wanting only relaxation massage or doesn't feel your
friendship should include sex, can be uncomfortable and embarassing at the
least. It's worth it to somehow bring this topic up beforehand with a new
partner, even if you have to blush a little when telling him or her what you
think it would be fun to do with them.
Relaxing Your Partner's Body
Start by connecting with your partner. There may be specific ways you and your
partner prefer to do this. If not, try kind words, soft gazing into each other's
eyes, synchronized breathing, and/or caressing each others' faces or hands.
When both of you are ready, have your partner lie face down, naked, on the
massage table. Start by quieting and focusing your mind while resting your hands
on the receiving partner's upper and lower back. Then, perform a relaxing
massage on the back, legs, and feet. Basic principles of relaxing massage
include keeping your hands in contact with your partner, taking your time, being
rhythmic yet sensitive, and proceeding from long gliding strokes to deeper ones.
When giving a massage be sure to use good body mechanics: use your body weight
rather than arm strength for deep strokes, during gliding strokes keep your
knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table.
After relaxing your partner's back, legs, and feet, have him or her turn
over. Massage the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs. It can
feel good to brush the genitals when going down to the legs. After finishing the
fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals,
teasing them. This teasing process can be drawn out by brushing the inner thighs
near the genitals, very lightly touching the pubic region, etc. At this point
erotic energy is often building, making it a natural time to start shifting the
focus to more explicitly sexual activities.
Especially if this is your first massage with this partner, it's a good idea
to look into your partner's eyes while cradling his or her genitals, and somehow
ask his or her permission to go further. The rest of the massage will focus on
the genitals, with periodic sweeps up and down the body to spread, balance, and
integrate the sensations. One of the skills that comes with practice is being
able to read the energy and arousal levels of your partner, and smoothly and
gradually ramp up from relaxing massage to more arousing and sexual massage.
Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers
The basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down, stop,
or change what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes inevitable. The
best way to accomplish this is for the man to give a signal just before this
point is reached. Verbal cues, raising a hand, pulling away slightly, or even
subtle body language cues can all work well. This repeated "peaking"
process can sometimes help men learn to have multiple orgasms without
ejaculating, and can also be practiced during solo masturbation. Although
delaying ejaculation during the course of the massage is desirable from the
perspective of maximizing pleasure, many partners do like to finish the massage
with one. Ejaculation provides a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave
men too fatigued to enjoy the rest of the evening or do a good job massaging
their partner; opposite-sex partners who like to finish male genital massage
with ejaculation should have the woman receive her massage first.
It's also fun to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving
together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Letting your partner
know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying his pleasure can be
a powerful aphrodisiac.
As an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital massage
is that an erection is not required for it to feel good; some massage strokes
actually feel BETTER when the penis is soft.
Suggested Genital Massage Strokes
There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals. Unless
he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and consistent
stroking will feel best. I'm going to present a few favorite strokes below, but
you can make up your own, refer to Appendix A, or examine the resources in this
guide's "Learning More about Massage" section to learn dozens of
additional strokes. One approach that some people favor is selecting two
favorite strokes, and for a period of time alternating between them every once
in a while.
"Healing Stroke" - With the penis resting on the belly, cup
the balls with one hand. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and
down the underside of the penis all the way to the tip. (Body
Electric School handout)
"Anvil Stroke" - Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the
penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release
it. Meanwhile bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the
stroke, creating an alternating motion. (internet Alt.Sex FAQ)
"Climbing the Mountain" - Take the penis in one hand and
gently, sensuously caress it for about ten seconds, then give it one quick
up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps
using slow up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two quick up-and-down
strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue
until ejaculation approaches inevitability. (SM
101, 2nd Ed.)
It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you do, then
pleasuring can continue all the way through ejaculation and until your partner
asks you to stop. At the end of the massage (whether or not there is an
ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be folded up over the person on
the table to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time of profound peace and
Female sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual
response, in the following ways:
It's because of #5 that the basic approach to erotic massage differs between
women and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all the way through
one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need for them to hold back
in any way. Having orgasms in a series can cause arousal levels to float for a
long time at a very high level.
- Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and
feelings of warmth towards her partner.
- Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot
stimulation and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize the
clitoral orgasms as "sharper" and the G-Spot orgasms as
- Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they
like, and how they like it done.
- Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer
and be more intense than that which men commonly experience.
- Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues following
the first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).
Suggested Types of Stimulation
Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you
need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to
begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral
stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral
stimulation. Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of
vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly
high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a
"free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her body,
tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form
"connections" with other parts of her body (by stimulating some other
part of her body at the same time as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc.
Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most
commonly favored among women, there are many more. Refer to Appendix B or
examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More" section for more
"Clitoral" - When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of
it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a
lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific
feedback or until you uncover something that obviously feels better. Once you
find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further
pleasure. Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are
pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to
accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn't feel good to
someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she would want you to start
right out with.
- The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic
bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've found her
G-Spot, and it often feels more "ridged" than the surrounding tissue.
Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of
needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot
stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the urethra.
One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and second
fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger). Make rhythmic
gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to "come here".
Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion. Generally, it's the
pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot. Another approach is to
rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure against all
areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a woman's arousal
level increases. You'll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards
during extreme arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a
little farther from center in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal
walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.
"Vibrator" - Vibrators generally work best on or near the
clitoris. If the vibration is too intense, switch to a lower speed or put a
cloth between the vibrator and her clitoris. It's OK to let your partner hold
the vibrator. It's also fun for a vibrator to be used clitorally at the same
time vaginal penetration is being performed. The most versatile vibrators are
the standard plug-in models such as the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Wahl. Sex
supply shops such as Good Vibrations and
Toys in Babeland sell these vibrators,
along with various attachments for specific kinds of stimulation.
"Verbal and Non-Verbal Encouragement" - It's helpful to
encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy
based on your partner's desires). Sexy complements, eye contact, etc. are also
nice additions. Many sexual difficulties (especially for women, it seems) stem
from worries: worrying that her partner is getting tired of pleasuring her, that
she isn't coming fast enough, etc. Letting your receiving partner know verbally
and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying giving her pleasure can be a
powerful aphrodisiac for her.
It's nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when you two
are finished. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.
Regular, conscious breathing is a powerful way to enhance both relaxation
massage and erotic massage. If the receiving partner forgets to breathe, the
massaging partner can remind him or her by breathing rhythmically and audibly.
Some partners find that synchronizing the breathing between the two of them
leads to wonderful sensations. Just don't hyperventilate...
Group Massage Gatherings
These can be put on with three or more participants. Participants divide up into
groups of three or four, with one massage table per group. Each person in each
group gets a certain amount of time on their table, and before massage begins
this person tells the other people at his or her table what he or she would
like, and what his or her limits are. This can be a lot of fun, and is a great
way to practice asking for what you want sexually (a habit which has the power
to enhance your pleasure in and of itself). It's good to start and end these by
having everyone get in a circle, introduce themselves (if necessary), and
"check in" (i.e. say something about where they're at, what they would
like to get out of the day, what they liked about the day, etc.). It's also
helpful to have little snacks and water for people to eat and drink. Since you
may end up giving three or four different people massages during an event like
this, it's fairly common for the host and/or hostess to ask everyone to use
gloves for all genital massage, and possibly for everyone to wash their hands
before the next person gets on the table.
For small gatherings (6-8 people) of participants who all know each other,
people can just gravitate towards whatever table and group they want when it's
time to start; for larger events or events where there will be a lot of
beginners, it's often helpful for the host or hostess to assign people to tables
so things stay balanced, nobody's feelings get hurt, and so there aren't any
tables composed entirely of novices. It's usually a good idea to put someone in
charge of bringing supplies to the event (latex gloves, massage oil in little
bottles, lube, towels, etc.), and (when lots of new folks are involved) for the
host or hostess to stay at least marginally aware of what is going on so things
stay comfortable for everyone.
These events usually work very easily for men-only or women-only groups, and
tend to work best for mixed-gender groups when at least rough gender balance is
maintained and there are at least a few experienced men and women in attendance.
Finishing with Intercourse
Some partners (especially opposite-sex couples) like to finish with intercourse
rather than the blanket-wrapping I've described. Since most massage tables are
sturdy enough to support two people, near the end of the massage one partner can
climb on top the other and they can both fuck themselves to what are often very
powerful orgasms. Thus, they can finish locked in each others' embrace (although
even without intercourse the standing partner can lean over and embrace the
receiving partner's upper body, or else just gently rest his or her hands on the
Despite what mainstream pornography tends to portray, women don't usually
have orgasms from intercourse alone. However, a woman is MUCH more likely to
experience orgasm during intercourse if she has had one or more orgasms
(especially of the G-Spot variety) before intercourse commences. Popular
positions for male-female intercourse include missionary and woman-on-top (which
allow face-to-face intimacy) and "doggie style" (which allows the
woman to easily rub her clitoris while being penetrated).
The "Big Draw"
This technique for completing a massage was developed by the Body Electric
School. In the minutes preceding it the massage work should be becoming more and
more energetic, building and building. At a certain point (counted down to
verbally, so both partners know when it's coming) massage and any other touch
ceases, the person on the table takes seven very deep breaths, and while holding
the seventh breath clenches every muscle in his or her body and rolls his or her
eyes back in his or her head (possibly assuming a tense position with torso and
legs a bit off the table, as in a "crunch") for about 10 seconds. He
or she then completely relaxes, resumes regular breathing, and the standing
person gently folds the sheets/blanket over his or her body. For maximum effect
the music should be
quite "cosmic" at this point, and the person performing the massage
shouldn't touch the person on the table (who has his or her eyes closed, or who
has a blindfold on) for at least five minutes or until the person on the table
requests otherwise. This practice can provoke profound emotional release, and
often hallucinations. Afterwards, the standing partner opens the cocooned
sheets, gently towels off any oil, helps his or her partner to sit up, and then
both partners either keep silence or say what is in their heart. It's fun to
follow the Big Draw with a hot tub or a warm bath.
It's helpful to use a pre-arranged and timed music
tape. Ideally, there should be five seconds of silence immediately following the
Big Draw, and possibly during it. Music should have been building to that point,
and should resume with something really beautiful after the silence following
the Big Draw ("Gabriel's Oboe" from The
Mission soundtrack, or "With This Love" from Peter Gabriel's Passion
soundtrack, for example).
Incorporating PC Muscle Contractions ("Kegels")
Contractions of the PC (pubococcygeus) muscle are associated with increased
sexual pleasure for both men and women. This muscle may be identified by
noticing what muscles you use to stop the flow of urine when you are urinating
(without moving your torso or legs); it's the same one. The PC muscle can be
exercised by contracting and releasing it; one approach is to rhythmically
contract when inhaling and relax when exhaling.
Generally, the stronger the PC muscle is, the more intense one's orgasms can
be. The PC muscle can also be repeatedly contracted and relaxed at various times
during sex (such as during G-Spot stimulation, or during male ejaculation) to
increase pleasure. Men can use the PC muscle to prevent ejaculation; this is
done by holding the breath while either strongly bearing down ("pushing
out") or tightly squeezing ("holding in") using the pelvic
An advanced technique in male genital massage is to stimulate the man's prostate
gland at the same time one is stimulating the penis. This can be done with a
finger an inch or two inside his anus, pressing on the dome shape found in the
direction of the penis. When stimulating the prostate, you should wear latex
gloves, have short fingernails (or else pack cotton balls around your
fingernails and then put gloves on), and use lots of lube. Part of what some
beginners find novel about anal penetration is that it makes one feel as if one
has to go to the bathroom. By going to the bathroom pretty thoroughly before
beginning play, one may have an easier time not interpreting this new sensation
in the old context. Please see either The
New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or Anal
Pleasure and Health for more details. Pressing on the prostate gland
during ejaculation, or when a man is close to ejaculation, can feel wonderful.
It is also possible for some men to have ejaculatory orgasms through prostate
Once each partner has sufficient experience with his or her own sexual response,
they may wish to try mutual stimulation. This is best done on a bed, rather than
on a massage table. Simply lie down facing each other, heads close together, and
pleasure each other with your hands. Again, for men slightly pulling away or
giving some other cue when ejaculation is imminent will allow play to continue.
These educational resources only have to do with massage. You may wish to take a
look at our sexuality resource
guide for other educational books, videotapes, etc.
Complete Book of Massage, by Claire Maxwell-Hudson. There are
hundreds of good how-to books on non-sexual ("therapeutic")
massage, and this is only one of them. Another great way to augment book
learning is to receive quality massage. Seek out a trained, licensed
therapist in your area for non-sexual, relaxing, "Swedish"
How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual Orgasm,
by Alan P. Brauer and Donna Brauer. This book outlines a general approach
for using genital massage to achieve extended orgasmic states.
A video illustrating the Body Electric approach to sex, along with
demonstrations of over 25 male genital massage strokes, is called Fire
on the Mountain: An Intimate Guide to Male Genital Massage; in Spring,
1999, the Body Electric School also released Fire
in the Valley: An Intimate Guide to Female Genital Massage. The videos Tantric
Massage and Art
of Extended Orgasm also have valuable information.
Body Electric Courses
The Body Electric School offers
courses in erotic massage, and is in fact the only organization to offer
education of this kind nationwide. Their courses are VERY well put together. The
Body Electric School offers courses consisting of men only, and courses
consisting of women only. They also (in Seattle, Washington and Oakland,
California) offer a course with both men and women, but you must complete the
same-sex class before taking the mixed class. Call (510) 653-1594 to get a
World Wide Web Pages
Massage tables and supplies may be purchased through mail-order from Stronglite
(1-800-289-5487) and Bodywork
Emporium (1-800-822-5348). If your massage table is adjustable, adjust it so
that when you stand next to the table with your arms at your sides and fists
closed, your knuckles just brush the top of the table.
If your budget is especially tight you could try making your own massage
table, possibly with two sawhorses and a big padded board (with an oval hole in
the board for the receiving partner's face to rest in while he or she is lying
Using the "Extra Hand"
Some male genital massage strokes require only one hand. Here are some
suggestions for things you can do with the "extra hand":
- Massage the legs or chest.
- Tease the nipples or other erogenous zones (note: "connections"
can be made between erotic arousal and almost any part of the body, by
linking stimulation of the genitals with stimulation of this area).
- Rub the perineum, possibly with an oiled fist or several fingers. For some
men, this may stimulate the prostate gland.
- Wrap an index finger and thumb around the penis between the balls and the
body. Contract slightly to form a living cock ring. Alternatively, this can
be done between the balls and the shaft, rather than between the balls and
- Gently tug on the hairs covering the testicles.
- Cup or tickle the testicles.
Selected and Paraphrased from a Body Electric for Men Handout
With one hand pull the shaft's skin toward the base and wrap the fingers of
this hand around the base to act as a living cock ring. Using the other
hand, rhythmically pick various points along the shaft of the penis and
squeeze opposite sides of the penile shaft at these points, releasing
pressure either immediately or after only a brief period of time.
Rub the penis between both palms, as if rubbing two sticks together to
create fire. Be sure to use plenty of oil.
- HAIRY PALM SUNDAY
Hold the penis in one hand with the head sticking up. Using the well-oiled
palm of your other hand, slowly and sensitively massage the head of the
penis. Reverse directions every once in a while.
- HEALING STROKE
With the penis resting on the belly, the hand closest to the feet cups the
balls. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the
underside of the penis.
- TWIST AND SHOUT
Pull the skin of the penis toward the base with one hand. With the other
hand corkscrew the penis. This can be done with the thumb and first finger
or with the whole palm.
Selected and Paraphrased From the Internet Alt.Sex FAQ
- ANVIL STROKE
Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to
the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile, bring your other
hand to the top of the penis and repeat. See also: Milker and Perpetual
Place both of your hands side by side against his shaft like a pair of
bookends. Now push hard against his penis. Then lift your hands up and down.
Continue in this manner for a while.
Turn the head of his penis like you're trying to open a doorknob coated with
grease. Now try turning the other way. Repeat. This stroke is sometimes
improved by using the other hand to stretch the skin of the penis toward the
- DOUBLE WHAMMY
Bring both well-lubricated hands down on his shaft. Some cocks are so big
they require both hands; if your partner's doesn't, then use the other hand
to caress and lightly flutter his balls, or tighten around the base of his
shaft. If both hands fit along the length of the shaft then move them
together, up and down, in the typical pumping motion. Pretend you're holding
a baseball bat and are about to score a grand slam. You can also vary the
directions of your hands: one up, one down at the same time.
Opposite of the Anvil: hands alternate "milking" up the penis,
starting at the base and working all the way up past the tip.
- PERPETUAL PENETRATION
Like the Anvil, but instead of just grabbing the penis at the top let his
penis "penetrate" into your fist on each stroke. Before the head
of his penis pops out of your hand, bring the other hand up for the next
penetration. This way it seems to him like he is penetrating deeper and
deeper into an infinite vagina. Make sure you keep the penetration
continuous for best results. Try faster or slower to taste.
Make a ring with your thumb and forefinger and pump up and down with it.
When you get to the top close the ring. Then make him squeeze his way in as
you slide back down to the bottom.
Stroke only his shaft, ignoring his head. You will notice his head swelling
and turning red. When it's bright red, use Doorknob, Hairy Palm Sunday, or
- SHUTTLE COCK
Take the penis in both hands, fingers lightly touching the sides of the
shaft. In order to visualize the position, imagine yourself holding a
clarinet. Now flick the penis back and forth between your two hands by
holding onto the loose skin of the shaft. Do this stroke for a while to
allow tension to build.
- SPOT PINCH
Lightly and slowly run a finger up the underside of his cock. Ask him to
tell you where the most sensitive spot is. Pinch it, squeeze it, nibble it,
tease it. This is a good spot to pinch (a la Cockupressure) to turn a soft
cock rock solid.
- LABIAL MASSAGE
"Place a well-oiled (or lubed) hand over her labia, fingers pointing
towards her anus. Pull up toward the navel and alternate hands. Explore the
inner and outer lips with your fingers. Pull gently on one and then the
other. Rub the outer lips gently between your forefinger and thumb, then the
- A-ONE AND A-TWO AND A-THREE
"Try inserting your first two fingers into her, then arch your thumb
back 'hitch-hiker' style and thrust in until your thumb rests against her
clitoris. You can use a variety of thrusting and twisting motions in this
position. You can also vibrate your entire hand."
- CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR
"If your partner has a particular spot that they like to have licked or
caressed, try doing so very close to but not quite on that spot -
except perhaps occasionally. This trick will make them take longer to reach
their orgasm, but they will likely have a much stronger, more powerful
orgasm when it finally does happen. As a variant, you can do the 'not quite
on target' until they get close to coming, then switch to the target itself,
thus earning their gratitude."
- PUSH HERE TO START
"Gently insert one finger deeply into her vagina and, when she's ready,
insert a second. Then take your thumb and place it against her anus. Don't
insert it. Instead, press there while you move your fingers."
- TAP DANCING
"Place the palm of your hand on her mons (the mound where her pubic
hair is), and rest your fingers lightly on her vaginal lips. Rest your thumb
on her opposite thigh. Lightly but firmly press your palm onto her mons and
begin to move your hand in a tiny circular motion. You palm should
not slide too much over her skin during this process. Instead, her skin
should move underneath it. Repeat this process until you have done ten
circles. You then raise your fingers and lightly tap her vaginal lips about
once a second until you have given her ten taps. Please note that these are
light taps, not spanks. They shouldn't hurt. After giving the taps, rest
your hand for five to ten seconds. Then repeat the circles, then repeat the
taps, then rest again, then repeat the circles..."
- CERVIX CLOCK
"A woman's cervix can usually be found in the upper rear part of her
vagina. The cervix feels like a little dome of tissue, and may also have a
small cleft in the middle, like your chin. Carefully stimulate the area
surrounding the cervix. Some women may enjoy this and want you to do it more
often; others won't."
- FINGERS ON THE HOOD
"Given how the clitoral area is often more sensitive than any single
part of the penis, you don't want the rough skin of your fingers rubbing
across it. Gently push and pull on the clitoral hood and labia when first
touching a woman's genitals. Using the lips as leverage can provide pleasing
stimulation without painful friction."
- FROM THE OUTSIDE
"Lay your free hand over the lower part of your partner's abdomen.
Experiment by applying different kinds of pressure with the top hand while
fingers from your other hand are inside her vagina."
"An excellent way to learn more about pleasing your partner is to rest
your fingers over hers while she is masturbating herself. Then do the
reverse, with her fingers acting as guides for your own."
- OFF THE EDGE
"Another form of genital massage can be done by holding a lubricated
lip between your thumb and forefinger. While squeezing just a little, pull
your fingers straight away from the woman's body. Your fingers will end up
in the air an inch or two above her body, as though you had pulled them off
the edge of a tabletop or sheet of paper. If she likes this, repeat it many
"Ask your partner to help you locate her ovaries. They can usually be
felt in the deepest part of the vagina and to the far left or right. Some
women will like you to massage this area, others will find it painful.
Sensitivity will also vary with her menstrual status."
- PROPER INVITE
"Begin with a light, gentle caress that barely touches the inner thighs
and pubic hair. Don't go much further until your partner's pelvis begins to
arch upwards. Tease and caress until the lips of her vulva invite your
"After applying lubrication, it might be nice to begin with one of the
large outer lips. Place the lucky lip between your thumb and forefinger,
clasping it at the base where it attaches to the main part of your partner's
body. Then run your fingers (or fingertip) from the lower to upper part of
the lip, as though you were tracing one side of a parenthesis. Repeat this
as long as your partner's feedback is positive. You can also make an upside
down horseshoe pattern with a fingertip by starting at the lower inside part
of one lip and finishing at the lower inside part of the other. It could be
fun to do this with both inner and outer lips."
Selected from Annie Sprinkle and Joseph Kramer's Women's
Coming into contact with active outbreaks of herpes or HPV, or exchanging body
fluids with someone currently carrying a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD), can
impart a risk to you of catching that STD. Although unprotected genital massage
is certainly safer than unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse, if you or your
partner are potentially contagious you can always insure absolute protection by
putting on a pair of latex or nitrile gloves before pleasuring your partner's
genital areas. Please note that gloves are ONLY considered necessary when one is
massaging skin that is broken or unhealthy due to STD-related inflammation, or
when there is a possibility of your hand(s) coming into contact with infectious
body fluids; for general massage on healthy skin (with no body fluids involved)
they aren't needed.
- BE HERE NOW
"Hold completely still while your fingers or your hand are still inside
her vagina. Don't move - just be there and meditate."
- CRESCENT MOON
"Insert your thumb in her vagina, curl your palm around onto her
clitoris, and rest your fingertips on top of her pubic bone. Alternate
stimulation between the internal G-Spot, the clitoris, and the external
"Press very firmly on her G-Spot, like ringing a doorbell. Press,
- FOUR DIRECTIONS
"With two fingers press firmly up/side/down/side in her vagina, eight
times each side."
- GENTLE TOUCH AND TICKLE
"Tickle the clitoris extremely lightly."
- HEALING THRUST
"Some women might need and want good, hard, deep, vigorous thrusting
penetration. Be sure to keep her relaxed - don't let her get into a tensed
- PINCH AND PULL
"Gently pinch and pull on the clitoris."
- ROCK AROUND THE CLIT CLOCK
"With your forefinger make tiny circles, stopping at every one of
- TEMPLE GATE TEASE
"With one finger tickle her vaginal opening as lightly as possible.
Make her hungry."
- TOUR DE FRANCE
"Orbit your forefinger around between her inner and outer labia from
perineum to above her clitoris."
- TRIPLE DIGIT PUSSY PET
"Use your three longest fingers, with your middle finger gliding along
the outside of her vaginal opening and your other two fingers running along
the place where her thigh meets her labia."
- TWIST AND SHOUT
"Using one or more fingers, massage in and out while twisting at the
By the way, although oils do degrade latex, most experts feel that latex
gloves (which are thicker than condoms) may safely be used with oils for
reasonable periods of time.
Please remember do remember, though, that if you stimulate or penetrate a
woman's anus with one of your fingers you must change gloves before putting that
same finger into her vagina. Doing otherwise can cause vaginal infections.
It's helpful to put together a tape or minidisc with music selections that work
well for the pace of your time together. For erotic massage, it's also helpful
to arrange the speakers so the best listening point is at the head of the
The following music recommendations come from the Body
GOOD MUSIC FOR THAT NICE "AFTERGLOW" PERIOD
Here are some lovely "cosmic music" selections:
(Vangelis) - Track 2
for Strings (Samuel Barber), followed by Kuru Field of Justice
(Philip Glass, from opera Satyagraha)
- Agnus Dei (Samuel Barber, Lorenzo's
Oil Soundtrack), followed by "Not to be Forgotten" from Secret
Story (Pat Methany).
- An Epitaph to War (James Horner, Glory
Soundtrack), followed by Bread and Wine (Peter Gabriel, Passion
(Vangelis) - Track 6
(Peter Kater/Carlos Nakai) - Track 12
(Allegri, "The Tallis Scholars"), followed by Air
(J.S. Bach, "Bobby McFerrin and Yo-Yo Ma")
- On Heaven as On Earth/Gabrielle's Oboe (The
- "Host of Seraphim" from The
Serpent's Egg (Dead Can Dance), followed by "Boadicea"
the Sky with Stars (Enya)
Mirror Pool (Lisa Gerard) - Track 4
- Ur (David Byrne, The
Forest), followed by Love Theme from Blade Runner (Vangelis, Themes)
- With this Love (Peter Gabriel, Passion
Soundtrack), followed by Calling All Angels (Jane Siberry and K.D. Lang, Until
the End of the World)
If you're looking for something relaxing that you can play through without
needing to edit, any of the following might work for you:
If you're looking for something invigorating that you can play through
without needing to edit, any of the following might work for you:
GO TO PART II