Talking to Kids

Start with preschoolers…
Children at this age are not drug users, but if we talk to them now, before the problem exists, we can have an impact when they are 10, 11 and 12. The foundation for all healthy habits, from eating nutritious foods to using proper hygiene to dressing appropriately for the weather, begins in the preschool years.

While drug use by for children this age may not be a concern, even young children hear about drugs. Unless adults take the time to help children sort through the messages they receive, what they think they understand about drugs may be far from reality. Moreover, because children who resist early drug experimentation are generally adept at problem-solving and self-help, parents need to ensure that the foundations for these skills are laid down during the preschool years.

Preschoolers regard the adults in their life as all-powerful. Perhaps at no other time in their lives is your approval as highly prized or your teachings as well received as during these early years of unconditional devotion. Remember that both as you talk with your children and as you consider what behaviors you model about the use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs.

School-aged children:
The typical school aged child is eager to be independent and grown-up. School opens up a new world to children beyond the closeness of family. As children grow older, friends take on heady proportions, and children seemingly live or die based on their friends’ opinions. Acceptance can be everything. The advent of reading and writing skills will also make your child a global learner. Because peers and reading skills expand your child’s world, messages about tobacco, alcohol and other drugs may be conflicting with the one’s you give your child.

As you talk with school-aged children about drug use, remember that children have a hard time focusing on future consequences – the here and now is what is important to them. They do, however, understand the reason for rules and appreciate having limits in place. This applies to rules about bed times and homework and to no-use rules about tobacco, alcohol and other drugs.

Young adolescents…
Between the ages of 10 and 15, children typically move from having good feelings about themselves and their life at home and school to at least some feelings of insecurity, doubt and pressure.

With the many dramatic changes taking place within them, young adolescents look to one another for support. "The group" defines what they should wear, what music they should listen to and what activities should occupy their time. It can be very threatening for parents to see the peer group’s values assuming such importance in their child’s lives. Still, children do not relinquish their powers of thought. They approach problems systematically, try to see things from different perspective, have a marked sense of right and wrong and are ready champions of justice.

When looking at drug and alcohol use, parents must recognize that young adolescents are easily swayed by what their peer group feels is appropriate. Self-doubt can also make youth vulnerable to the "quick fixes" of tobacco, drugs and alcohol. However, with expanding social consequences, young people may view the refusal to use tobacco, alcohol and other drugs as a civic responsibility. Young adolescents are also concerned about their appearance. If they believe drug and alcohol use will impair their looks and health, they are unlikely to be tempted by these practices.

REMEMBER TO LISTEN

Create a climate in which your child feels comfortable. Your non-verbal cues will send messages to your child, so consider the position of your chair, the tone of your voice, eye contact and facial expressions. Although it is essential that the educator provides the child with accurate facts about drug abuse and its side effects, prevention education also centers on listening. Listening carefully and really hearing involve the following:

Listen to the words being communicated, but also be aware of the non-verbal communication that accompanies these words. Non-verbal cues indicating feelings of fear, anger, or guilt are important for teachers to understand if they are to be truly helpful to their students.

Listen by paying attention. Looking directly at a student who is speaking is very confirming. It allows the student to believe what he or she is saying is being listened to, is important, and is being understood. Teachers need to be aware of their own non-verbal behaviors when they listen, such as frowns when they disapprove of something and smiles when they approve.

Listen without interrupting. Interrupting a person who is trying to understand or be understood or trying to express feelings about something very important, frightening or guilt-laden may result in a shut-down at the very moment when an unclear or undeveloped thought is about to be clarified.

Listen without judging. For students to learn through open communication, you must permit them to speak and listen when they are speaking. The very thoughts that might be responded to quickly in a negative, judgmental way may be of great concern to the student.

Listen without giving advice. Giving advice is often an easy way of dealing with a complex problem. Students attempting to cope with the many issues associated with drug use must examine each issue and may not respond to quick and seemingly easy solutions. Communication takes time; giving advice often short-circuits the process.

SOME EXAMPLES OF PARENT-CHILD DIALOGUES

Your child says….
Your first response may be to blurt out…
A better response would be…

Timmy has started smoking but his parents don’t know I’m going to call Timmy’s mother. She has to be told and that’s all there is to it. How do you feel about Timmy starting to smoke and his parents not knowing?

Pot can’t be all that bad for you because I’ve seen kids who use it and they’re fine. It’ll be bad for them if they get caught and end up in trouble with the law. I’d like to share with you some of the information I read about the effects of smoking marijuana over time.

You lived through the 70’s. Why don’t you let me live through my decade without your interference. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. Sharing my experiences and listening to yours are among the most important things I can do for you as a parent.

Nobody else has parents this strict. You’re still living in the Dark Ages. One day you’ll be down on your knees thanking me. How would you like me to be? What do you think would be most helpful to you?

How can you tell me not to smoke when you inhale two packs a day? Isn’t that awfully hypocritical? Don’t you dare talk to your father like that. I know I’m not providing you with a good example. I’d very much like to quit.

Past Employment

AT WHAT AGE SHOULD I DISCUSS DRUG USE WITH MY CHILD?

REMEMBER TO LISTEN

SOME EXAMPLES OF PARENT-CHILD DIALOGUES

TALKING WITH YOUR CHILD ABOUT MARIJUANA