Interesting Sex Facts:
- More people under 40 have sex on a weekly basis than
those who vote during the presidential election every four years. (And, if a
woman was propositioned for sex by a president? 12% said they’d do it.)
- Around 200 calories are burned during a fierce sex session… Which is
equivalent to running 15 minutes on a treadmill.
- More women talk dirty during sex than men.
- It is estimated that 1.1 million men and 800,000 women aged 25-45 in the
U.S. have never had sex.
- June is the most common month when Americans lose their virginity.
- Miami is the U.S. city reported to have the longest sex sessions at 35
minutes. Phoenix, Chicago and Denver have the shortest sex sessions at only
- Cold feet may be to blame for lack of orgasm (literally). In one UK
study, 80% of couples wearing socks during intercourse were able to reach
orgasm, compared to the 50% sockless that weren’t.
- Republicans enjoy their sex lives more and are more likely to dress
erotically to spice things up than their Democratic counterparts. Though on
average Republicans lose their virginity later in life than Democrats.
- 35% of the under-35 crowd said they use
Facebook or Twitter after sex. Men are twice as likely to post updates
- Erotic asphyxiation cuts off oxygen to the brain so you feel a strong
new sensation during sex. It is believe that 500 to 1,000 Americans die from
erotic asphyxiation each year.
- 48% of Englishmen fall asleep during sex.
- 3% of women plan household chores during sex.
- During the 19th century, the vibrator was used as a
treatment for female “hysteria.” Doctors found the treatment extremely
- Sex toys were banned in Texas until 2008. Similar bans
still stand in Alabama and Mississippi.
- “Axillism” is the act of use of the armpit for sex.
Introduction and Table of Contents
This edition of the my sexuality
Faq was written in the early part of 1998 by myself and others on a web
based (BBS) sexuality Faq Committee. This information reflect the best wisdom and knowledge of the participants on the
committee at that time and had only slightly been altered over the years.
This is intended to be an all
encompassing collection of general knowledge in the topic. You should find
that the information found here is of the considerable
quality not intended to simply be worthwhile but an honest compilation of views. Some sections will never be out of date; it's hard to imagine good advice on
oral sex or virginity or even buying a great sex toy coming to an end.
Anatomy also doesn't change although our understanding of it might. Some sections,
however, are out of date; The sections on Sexually Transmitted
Diseases, Legal Issues, even Terms and Acronyms have fallen far behind the
times. For lists of current resources try the search engines,
Yahoo might be a better place to start.
Where to find items of common interest.
Commonly used terms and acronyms about sex and alt.sex
The Sexual Anatomy of Men
The Sexual Anatomy Of Women
Better Intercourse - Positions and potentials
Having S-E-X for the first time, for both of you.
For both partners:
How do I have "good" sex?
What time should we have sex?
Should we eat or drink anything before sex?
Where should we have sex?
What do we need to bring?
Cunnilingus - Oral sex upon a vulva
Fellatio - Oral sex upon a penis
What is Fellatio?
What if it doesn't smell or taste good?
What is "deep throating?"
Are there any special spots on the penis?
Should I use my hands?
What is 69?
My boyfriend wants me to swallow. What do I do?
Can I make my seminal fluids taste better?
What are the contents of semen?
Anal Intercourse and Analingus
Why would anyone want to have anal sex?
What is analingus?
Does anal sex hurt?
Can anal sex actually give pleasure?
What do I need to have anal sex?
Do I have to use a condom?
I'm worried that anal sex will be messy.
How do we prepare for anal sex?
What position should we use for anal sex?
Can I get pregnant from anal sex?
What if I don't like it?
Sex Toys for the Bedroom and Other Places
Common Legal Questions
Sexually Transmitted Diseases
(Warning Out Of Date)
find items of common interest.
find sexually-oriented fiction on the Internet.
If you are just looking for
stories in general, check the newsgroups alt.sex.stories and rec.arts.erotica
FIRST. Many stories are also cross-posted to alt.sex.
As for story archives, well,
there used to be a few. Unfortunately, due to misuse by people, they are no
longer around. In this section we used to mention a couple but they both shut
down for the same reasons: irresponsible, immature, and greedy users over-used
their services. When people misuse a service offered to them that service
generally shuts down.
Therefore, there are currently no
known ftp sites for stories or rec.arts.erotica. If any site ever dares to try
to set up a ftp story archive again people should definitely learn to respect
the system that is offering the archive and respect the wishes of the archive's
There is a mail-server for
alt.sex.bondage and alt.sex.stories right now, but that service won't last long
if it is misused. Don't try to get the whole archive in one night! The easiest
way to use the mail-server is to read the rest of this section and then send
email to email@example.com with the word help as the first and only word
in the body of the message and no subject. Scanning the subject line will be
The server administrator is
currently over a year behind in moving stories into the server. He is (or will
be) including alt.sex.bondage, alt.sex.stories, and rec.arts.erotica. He is
archiving stories and articles that he believes to be of general interest.
Anonymous ftp is not available to
this machine and is NOT planned. If you have any questions or problems with the
server, send email to firstname.lastname@example.org. If you have trouble
getting email to that address, try email@example.com.
Privacy/system logs: The server
logs all incoming requests and all responses. This information is retained for a
few days before being deleted. I normally check the logs at least once a day to
try and find any server bugs/problems as early as possible. I don't care who you
are or where you are unless you are extremely greedy in accessing the server.
find sexually-oriented images on the Internet.
The newsgroups of the
alt.binaries.pictures.* (like a.b.p.erotica) are your best bet for X- and
R-rated GIFs and binary pictures in other formats. For pictures more along the
line of swimsuit models, check out wuarchive.wustl.edu via anonymous FTP, in
graphics/gif. The images are arranged alphabetically. Don't abuse the ftp
service or it won't be here next month.
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica are often binary movies in various formats. Read
the alt.binaries.pictures.* FAQs for more info. Due to the nature of Usenet,
most pictures come in an UUENCODED format as well, and how to decode such
pictures is also covered in the alt.binaries.pictures FAQ.
There is also a list of BBS'
containing adult GIF files. The list is posted to alt.bbs.lists and alt.sex
periodically. There are several hundred BBS' listed.
find purity tests
"Purity tests" are various text
documents floating about the Internet intended to test how pure and innocent, or
conversly, how feelthy-minded and perverse, you are. There are many versions,
and this FAQ used to list all of them. However, with the growth of Internet
resources it's become impossible to track them, and the FAQ can only recommend
that you read a few of them and enjoy them.
If you have access to FTP,
Gopher, or the World Wide Web, the purity tests can be found at the following
The editor of the FAQ personally
prefers the 500 question Yale/Dartmouth Purity Test as being the most
comprehensive without being too repetitive. No one purity test can cover
everything or satisfy everybody. A recent addition to the Purity Test collection
Sonja E. Kuepper's Purity Test Page. Check it out!
Signature codes are those funny
strings of characters frequently found in people's Usenet .sigs which look
sort-of like a PGP code gone berserk. There are several "codes," the most
popular of which are listed below.
of Commonly Used Words and Acronyms on alt.sex
analingus stimulation of the anus with the mouth
areola the dark
ring of skin surrounding the nipple
bestiality sex with
bisexual a person
who is sexually or romantically attracted to both sexes
blue balls see
surgical procedure of removing the foreskin
clitoris the most
sensitive external female sex organ, located near the top of the vulva.
condom a sheath
of latex, plastic, or animal skin worn over the penis to prevent sperm
ejaculating into the vagina to prevent pregnancy or the transmission of disease.
stimulation of the vulva with the mouth
dental dam a piece
of latex placed over the vulva during cunnilingus to protect both partners from
dome-shaped cap of rubber designed to cover the cervical opening and prevent
sperm from entering the cervix
artificial penis used in sexual activity.
consuming the resultant semen after anal sex.
stimulation of the penis with the mouth
inserting a whole hand into either the vagina or the anus
covering the head of the penis in uncircumsized men
pleasure from rubbing against another person
activity of Urban Legend status regarding the insertion of a gerbil or
similarly-sized rodent into the anus
heterosexual a person
who is sexually or romantically attracted only to the opposite sex.
homosexual a person
who is sexually or romantically attracted only to the same sex
tissue that partly or completely covers the vaginal opening
intercourse between closely related persons
intrauterine device, a method of birth control
folds of flesh of the vulva.
labia majora the
thicker, outside labia
labia minora the
mons mound of
flesh located above the vagina
Obligated Sexual Comment/Reference; inserted at the end of some posts which
otherwise have very little to do with sex
of money for sexual favors
activity forced upon someone unwilling or unable to give consent
safeword the code
phrase or word used in any sort of B&D/S&M activity that really means "Stop
simply refers to anal sex; however, the actual dictionary definition includes
anything considered "unnatural or deviate sexual intercourse" which may include
everything from oral sex to sex between partners of the same gender
consensual sex involving the exchange of marital partners for sexual purposes
individual who is sexually or emotionally stimulated or satisfied by dressing in
clothing of the opposite sex
electrically driven machine that vibrates
collective term referring to a woman's external genitalia
water sports sex
involving urine or urination (also "scat", sex involving feces)
Common Acronyms and BBS Terms
indicates humor or sarcasm (many variation exist)
and discipline (consensual)
Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism. Generic term.
BTW by the
Dominance and Submission
frequently asked question
IMHO in my
IMNSHO in my
not so humble opinion
just be friends
of the appropriate sex
of the opposite sex
of the same sex
and masochism or sadomasochism
Anatomy Of Women
View: The Vulva
- (A) External View, closed
- (B) External View, open and
The Vulva is the external sexual
organ of women. The above view (A) shows the external view of the female vulva
as normally seen when the woman is standing up. View (B) shows the vulva when it
is opened, and from the top down one can clearly see the Veneris Mons, clitoral
hood, clitoris, and labia minora. There are many questions about the vulva on
alt.sex, and this FAQ will begin to attempt to answer some of these.
The Vocabulary of the Vulva
Vulva - The
external female genitals are collectively referred to as The Vulva. All of the
words below are part of the vulva.
Mons Veneris. - The mons
veneris, Latin for "hill of Venus" (Roman Goddess of love) is the pad of fatty
tissue that covers the pubic bone below the abdomen but above the labia. The
mons is sexually sensitive in some women and protects the pubic bone from the
impact of sexual intercourse.
Labia Majora - The
labia majora are the outer lips of the vulva, pads of fatty tissue that wrap
around the vulva from the mons to the perineum. These labia are usually covered
with pubic hair, and contain numerous sweat and oil glands, and it has been
suggested that the scent from these are sexually arousing.
Labia Minora - The
labia minora are the inner lips of the vulva, thin stretches of tissue within
the labia majora that fold and protect the vagina, urethra, and clitoris. The
appearance of labia minora can vary widely, from tiny lips that hide between the
labia majora to large lips that protrude. The most common metaphor for the labia
minora is that of a flower. Both the inner and outer labia are quite sensitive
to touch and pressure.
Clitoris - The
clitoris, visible in picture (B) as the small white oval between the top of the
labia minora and the clitoral hood, is a small body of spongy tissue that is
highly sexually sensitive. The clitoris is protected by the prepuce, or clitoral
hood, a covering of tissue similar to the labia minora. During sexual
excitement, the clitoris may extend and the hood retract to make the clitoris
more accessible. Some clitori are very small; other women may have large clitori
that the hood does not completely cover.
opening to the urethra is just below the clitoris. It is not related to sex or
reproduction, but is instead the passage for urine. The urethra is connected to
the bladder. Because the urethra is so close to the anus, women should always
wipe themselves from front to back to avoid infecting the vagina and urethra
Vagina and Hymen
(A) (B) (C) (D) (E)
above illustrations show the area between the labia minora. From top to bottom
can be clearly seen the clitoris, urethral opening, and vaginal opening. A, B,
and C show vaginal openings with a normal hymen, a membrane that
partially covers the opening. The hymen is the traditional "symbol" of
virginity, although being a very thin membrane, it can be torn by vigorous
exercise or the insertion of a tampon. Illustration D shows an imperforate hymen
that completely closes the vagina; this rare condition requires surgical
intervention to provide for a normal flow of blood once menstruation begins.
Illustration E is of a vagina in a post-partum woman (one who has given birth).
Perineum - The
perineum is the short stretch of skin starting at the bottom of the vulva and
extending to the anus. The perineum in women often tears during birth to
accomodate passage of the child, and this is apparently natural. Some physicians
may cut the perineum preemptively on the grounds that the "tearing" may be more
harmful than a precise scalpel, but statistics show that such cutting in fact
may increase the potential for infection.
Female Internal Sexual Anatomy
Vagina - The
vagina extends from the vaginal opening to the cervix, the opening to the
uterus. The vagina serves as the receptacle for the penis during sexual
intercourse, and as the birth canal through which the baby passes during labor.
The average vaginal canal is three inches long, possibly four in women who have
given birth. This may seem short in relation to the penis, but during sexual
arousal the cervix will lift upwards and the fornix (see illustration) may
extend upwards into the body as long as necessary to receive the penis. After
intercourse, the contraction of the vagina will allow the cervix to rest inside
the fornix, which in its relaxed state is a bowl-shaped fitting perfect for the
pooling of semen.
either side of the vaginal opening are the Bartholin's glands, which produce
small amounts of lubricating fluid, apparently to keep the inner labia moist
during periods of sexual excitement. Further within are the hymen glands,
which secrete lubricant for the length of the vaginal canal.
- The word
is in quotes because there is still some debate as to the existence or purpose
of the G- spot. In the illustration above, what is indicated as the g-spot in
fact points to a region known as the Skenes glands, the purpose of which are
unknown. Despite the controversy, one fact remains-- there are many women who
claim that pressure on this region of the vagina is extremely pleasurable.
Usually, two fingers are used, and because the spot is deep within the tissue,
some pressure may be needed. Also, because the Skenes glands are alongside the
bladder, some women may found that the increased pressure makes them feel as if
they need to urinate.
cervix is the opening to the uterus. It varies in diameter from 1 to 3
millimeters, depending upon the time in the menstrual cycle the measurement is
taken. The cervix is sometimes plugged with cervical mucous to protect the
cervix from infection; during ovulation, this mucous becomes a thin fluid to
permit the passage of sperm.
uterus, or womb, is the main female internal reproductive organ. The inner
lining of the uterus is called the endometrium, which grows and changes during
the menstrual cycle to prepare to receive a fertilized egg, and sheds a layer at
the end of every menstrual cycle if fertilization does not happen. The utereus
is lined with powerful muscles to push the child out during labor.
ovaries perform two functions: the production of estrogen and progesterone, the
female sex hormones, and the production of mature ova, or eggs. At birth,
the ovaries contain nearly 400,000 ova, and those are all she will ever have.
However, that is far more than she will need, since during an average lifespan
she will go through about 500 menstrual cycles. After maturing, the single egg
travels down the fallopian tube, a journey of three or four days-- this is the
period during which a woman is fertile and pregnancy may occur. Eggs that are
not fertilized are expelled during menstruation.
Frequently Answered Questions
What is the G-Spot? The
Grafenberg spot, or G-spot, is an area located within the anterior (or front)
wall of the vagina, about one centimetre from the surface and one-third to
one-half way in from the vaginal opening (see illustration and text). It is
reported to consist of a system of glands (Skene's glands) and ducts that
surround the urethra (Heath, 1984). Some authors write that you must press
"deeply" into the tissue with two fingers to reach it with any effectiveness.
significance of the G-spot is that some women (about half) report that it is a
highly sensitive area that under the right conditions can be very pleasurable if
stimulated. For some women, it can be a primary source of stimulation leading to
orgasm during intercourse. Other women report no particular stimulation, and
some say that it feels as if they need to urinate.
G-Spot has been linked to the phenomenon known as female ejaculation. To date,
there is little data about female ejaculation, although there is some
speculation that it is the product of the Skene's glands.
What is Toxic Shock Syndrome? Toxic
Shock Syndrome (TSS) is a rare but serious illness which can occur in men, women
and children. About half the number of cases reported are associated with using
tampons and affect a tiny number of women every year-- only about 1 out of every
1.5 million women who have periods. TSS can occasionally be fatal.
Shock Syndrome can be treated successfully providing it is recognised quickly,
and most young people make a full recovery. Younger people may more at risk from
the bacteria which are believed to cause this rare condition, because their
immune system may not be fully developed.
unlikely event that you have these symptoms during your period--a high fever
(over 102F or 39C), rash, vomiting, diarrhoea, sore throat, dizziness or
fainting - you must remove your tampon and consult your doctor immediately.
These symptoms can be early warning signs of TSS, which can develop very quickly
and may seem like flu to begin with.
worry about wasting the doctor's time and remember to say you have been wearing
a tampon. Do not use tampons again without checking first with your doctor.
using tampons correctly and following the advice below, you will reduce the risk
of developing TSS.
Always wash your hands before and after
insertion and removal of a tampon.
Always remove the used tampon before
inserting a new one.
Always remember to remove the last
tampon at the end of your period.
Never use 2 tampons at once.
Tampons should only be used when you
have a period.
The Sexual Anatomy Of Men
Penis and Scrotum.
Male external genitalia
penis and scrotum are the external sexual organs of men. There are many
questions about the penis on alt.sex, and this FAQ will attempt to begin to
answer some of them.
Vocabulary of the penis and scrotum
glans - The
glans is clearly visible in illustration (A) as the head of the penis. The glans
in uncircumcised men is usually covered by the prepuce. The glans is
highly sensitive, as is the corona, the ridge of flesh that connects the
glans to the shaft of the penis.
corona - The
'crown,' a ridge of flesh demarcating where the head of the penis and the shaft
frenulum, frenum - A thin
strip of flesh on the underside of the penis that connects the shaft to the
foreskin, prepuce - A roll
of skin which covers the head of the penis in uncircumsized men.
urethra, meatus - The
opening at the tip of the penis to allow the passage of both urine and semen.
smemga - A
substance with the texture of cheese secreted by glands on each side of the
frenulum in uncircumsized men.
scrotum - The
scrotum is a sac that hangs behind and below the penis, and containts the
testes, the male sexual glands. The scrotum's primary function is to maintain
the testes at approximately 34 C, the temperature at which the testes most
effectively produce sperm.
Male Internal Sexual Anatomy
Testicles. - The male
sexual glands, the two testes within the scrotum produce sperm and testosterone.
Within each testis is a kilometer of ducts called the seminiferous tubules,
the organs which generate sperm. Each testicle produces nearly 150 million sperm
every 24 hours.
Epididymis - The
epididymis is a 'holding pen' where sperm produced by the seminiferous tubules
mature. The sperm wait here until ejaculation or nocturnal emission.
deferens - The
ducts leading from the epididymis to the seminal vesicles. These are the ducts
that are cut during the procedure known as vasectomy.
vesicles - The
seminal vesicles produce semen, a fluid that activates and protects the
sperm after it has left the penis during ejaculation
Prostate gland - Also
produces a fluid that makes up the semen. The prostate gland also
squeezes shut the urethral duct to the bladder, thus preventing urine from
mixing with the semen and disturbing the pH balance required by sperm.
cavernosa - The
corpora cavernosa are the two spongy bodies of erectile tissue on either side of
the penis which become engorged with blood from arteries in the penis, thus
Ejaculatory Ducts - The path
through the seminal glands which semen travels during ejaculation.
Glands - The
Cowper's glands secrete a small amount of pre-ejaculate fluid prior to orgasm.
This fluid neutralizes the acidity within the urethra itself.
Frequently answered questions
What's the average size of
the penis? What are the extremes? According to the book Mandens
Krop (which is translated from English, but does not give the original title)
the average is 15cm and 90% are between 13 and 18cm.
The records for a fully functional penis are 1.5cm and 30cm.
Is penis size
important? This is probably one of the most
frequently asked questions on alt.sex, and that's a shame, because it's really a
pointless question. Penis size is important if and only if you think it is. If
you have sex with men and you desire a large penis, then penis size is important
to you, and only to you. If you feel your penis should be larger, then
penis size is important to you, and only to you.
Many women report that too many men are hung up on the size of their penises.
The vagina is only eight to thirteen centimeters long, and even a small penis
can touch every square centimeter within the vagina.
Can penis size be increased? Yes. There are two surgical
procedures to increase penis size-- the Bihari Procedure, and Fat Injection.
The Bihari Procedure consists of cutting the ligament that secures the
base of the penis to the body. This gives between one-half and two inches of
increased length to the penis; however, because the penis is no longer anchored
to the body an erection no longer points 'up.'
Fat Injection is the process of removing fat from the backs of the thighs
and injecting it into the body of the penis to make the penis thicker. Because
the body rejects a significant portion of the injection this procedure may need
to be repeated several times and each operation carries with it a severe risk of
How do I measure my penis? According to Harold Reed, M.D.,
director of the
Reed Centre for Ambulatory Urological Surgery in
Bay Harbor, Florida, this is the correct way to measure the length of your
First, while standing, get an
erection. Okay, now gently angle your, er, equipment down until it is parallel
to the floor. Set your ruler against your pubic bone just above the base of the
penis, and measure to the tip. Thats how the doctors do it.
My penis bends down (or left,
or right). Is there something wrong with it? One-quarter of all penises bend
in some direction and some bend downward even when erect. Unless the bend is
severe or causes you pain, there is nothing wrong or abnormal about your penis.
It should not interfere with sexual intercourse. Some people report that a
downward-bending penis is easier to fellate.
In rare cases a condition called Peyrone's Syndrome can arise from childhood
diseases. This condition is caused by scarring on one of the two corpora
cavernosa within the penis, stunting its effectiveness during erection and
causing the penis to bend almost 90 degrees in that direction. If you feel this
may be the case, consult a urologist.
What is circumcision and why
is it done? Male circumcision is the surgical
removal of the foreskin from the penis. When performed in a hospital, it is
usually done shortly after birth by a doctor or midwife. Circumcisions are also
given to Jewish boys by a mohel in a ceremony eight days after birth.
Some Islamic boys are circumcised when they are older, around age 12. The
majority of American boys are circumcised.
Common reasons for circumcision include: better hygiene, "normal" or "better"
appearance, and "his penis should look like his father's." Common reasons
against circumcision include: it is no longer necessary for hygienic reasons; it
is a painful, barbaric practice; possibility of infection or surgical error;
"normal" or "better" appearance; "his penis should look like his father's."; and
"greater sensitivity of uncircumcised penis."
What are blue balls? Blue Balls is a real condition!
The "correct" term for blue balls is epididymitis, which is an inflammation of
In simple terms blue balls occurs when the epididymis get blocked up with sperm
that have left the testis but not the penis. The vas deferns are the conduit for
the sperm from the testis to the urethra. When they get blocked you get pain.
Why blue balls and not "swollen balls," well maybe the connotation is that you
balls have the "blues", or maybe its because with all that swelling some of the
blood flow is restricted enough to cause some blueing of the area because of
Why is the prostate mentioned
so often during discussions of anal sex? The prostate is about the size of
a walnut in a normal man, and is immediately behind the rectal wall about three
centimeters inside the anus. It can be felt by placing one finger within the
anus and feeling along the anterior wall for a round bulb. For some men,
touching or rubbing this spot is extremely pleasurable; a rare few can even
orgasm through this technique. Others report that the touch is painful or makes
them feel as if they need to urinate.
my sexuality Faq on anal sex answers this question in
my sexuality Faq: First Intercourse
For both partners:
How do I have "good" sex? What follows is not a set of
rules. Rules about sex are impossible-- what should matter is that what you do
makes you feel good. And "feeling good" should last past the sex itself-- you
should not feel anxious afterwards about getting her pregnant or catching some
horrible disease, so planning ahead about contraception and safe sex is part of
What time should we have sex? When you have sex doesn't really
matter. What should matter instead is that you and your partner have sex when
you are both comfortable. Some people prefer to make love at the break of dawn,
some in the afternoon sun, some in the darkness of night. More important than
time of day is the time you have to spend. Give yourself a lot of time to
have sex the first time. A weekend is ideal, but at least the whole day,
including sleep time.
Should we eat or drink
anything before sex? Avoid eating a heavy meal, since
that'll just make you sleepy. Eat light, don't drink too much alcohol, if any at
all. It may help you shed inhibitions, but it may also make his erection much
more difficult to achieve and you want to spend more time in the bedroom than
the bathroom anyway, right?
Where should we have sex? Where you have sex is probably a
more important decision. Finding a place where you both can be private for up to
forty-eight hours can be difficult at that age where most people are planning on
losing their virginity. But it's worth it. Cars are no longer big enough to have
sex in, and the outdoors has less privacy, bugs, sand, and pine needles.
A bed is probably the best thing to make love in, still. Hopefully you'll have a
room to yourself, with all the amenities that a bedroom affords, including heat,
comfort, space, and the bathroom. Take a shower together! If you're about to
have sex, you've probably had your hands all over each other before now. Get to
know each other's bodies. Take your time. That's what lovemaking is about.
What do we need to bring? Bring what you need to make you
comfortable. Birth control, condoms, maybe your favorite pillow or a bathrobe.
What do I do first? You can't expect him to know what
makes you feel good. You'll have to tell him or show him, and that may mean
taking some of the initiative, taking his hands and placing them where they make
you feel good. Go slow. If it's his first time, he may well be totally nervous
about what you're about to do, and his penis may not respond at first. Patience,
gentleness, and understanding are required to bring it back to life, and that
may be hard for you to achieve, but that's why we told you to give yourselves
lots of time.
Will it hurt? You have probably heard horror
stories about how much losing your virginity hurts. For a few women, it does,
but with the right touch and the right partner, you should be able to take his
penis into your body without pain. Have him take his time, use a lubricant, and
press his fingers into you, opening you up slowly. Tell him when it feels good
and when it hurts.
position should I use? Many women prefer to have sex the
first time being on top, where they can control the first entry. Others want to
be on the bottom and give their lovers that control. Choose what's best for you.
Just remember to tell him to go slow, take your time, and if you feel the need,
use a commercial lubricant like KY Jelly.
What if I can't get it up? It may sound funny, but your
penis, which has worked great for years, may suddenly go on strike at your first
chance at "real" sex. That's natural-- you're nervous. Take a deep breath. Do
something else for a while with your hands, your lips and your tongue. Try to
forget about your anxiety, and your penis will respond. It's only a temporary
Should I tell her if I'm a
virgin? Many men think that because
they're men, they should be in charge of the sex, regardless of who has the more
experience. If you're a virgin and she's not, tell her, and let her lead if she
wishes. This is as much a learning experience as a loving one. Don't be afraid
to confess the truth. A lot of women would rather know that your fumbling is
inexperience, rather than just sheer ineptitude, and will gratefully show you
the ways of the world.
Will we come at the same
time? Don't worry about making orgasm
simultaneous, either. Some women do not orgasm during intercourse, and even if
your girlfriend is capable of climax, the odds are very much against you coming
at the same time. Enjoy yourself, and rely on her to tell you the truth when
she's enjoying herself.
What if I orgasm too soon? If you actually climax much too
soon before you wanted to, take your time, take a nap, and try again. The second
time you should be much more relaxed and ready to take your time-- so will your
Am I big enough? Too big? The
right shape? Another common concern is size.
The average penis is slightly more than five and a half inches in length when
erect, and that's more than enough to hit every major nerve center in the
vagina, the legendary G-spot included. The vagina is capable of stretching to
take a large penis, or shape itself to pleasure a small one. Size has very
little to do with your ability as a lover.
Another common issue is shape. Some men become concerned because their penis
bends downwards, or to the left, and assume that because they never see men like
them in erotic movies that they're not normal. Others worry that a downward bend
will make sex difficult or painful because the vagina isn't shaped with that
bend in mind.
Keep in mind that sex can be performed in any number of positions. The penis and
vagina can be matched in many different ways, and each new position can bring
new pleasures to you and your partner. Some people believe that a
downward-bending penis is much easier to perform oral sex upon.
Will I be a good lover? Being a good lover doesn't happen
automatically. With the right partner, time, care, and practice, you have
everything you need to become a great lover. Your first times, for both
you, will be fumbling and awkward, but hopefully they'll be the start of great
times for the rest of your lives.
sexuality Faq: Better Sex!
It is perhaps a shame that while
we live in one of the most advanced cultures in the world and yet know so little
about how to make each other happy in that most human of all endeavors, sex.
With a few small additions to your sexual vocabulary you can break out of
boredom and lead happier, more satisfying sex lives. Here in this FAQ we'll look
at three important additions to one's sex life: position, time, and location.
Man on top. Everybody starts out in this
so-called "missionary position": man on top, woman on the bottom, face-to-face.
It's where we were when most of us lost our virginity. This position gets a lot
of bad press these days because it's "old-fashioned," or perhaps because it's
"patriarchal." Actually, there's nothing wrong with this position; it affords
excellent support for thrusting, close intimate contact between lovers, and is
an ideal position for conception. The woman may lie with her legs spread wide
and to the sides, or may draw them up to her chest. In either position, the man
cannot reach her vulva for manual stimulation although in the first he can reach
A variation on this position is for the woman to sit in a chair or on the edge
of a low bed, thus allowing the man to kneel on the floor for thrusting. For
heavyset men it can reduce the weight he places upon his partner, and allows for
both partners to reach their genitals. Although technically regarded as
"superior" to traditional missionary position by many sex therapists, most
people who actually have sex feel this position is less "intimate."
A third variant of man-on-top is one in which the woman lies on her stomach and
the man penetrates her from behind. For many women, this position can stimulate
the G-spot; however, it can also cause the penis to strike the cervix, causing
pain. While this position has many of the disadvantages of any position where
two people are not face-to-face, it is still popular with some couples.
Woman on top. This position is highly
recommended in the few "how to lose your virginity" manuals still lying around,
mostly because it allows the woman to fully control the speed at which sex
occurs. There are several different positions classified as "woman on top." The
most common is that she straddles his hips, taking his penis inside her, and
then lies atop him, either with her legs bent or stretched out. She may also
choose to just sit straight up atop him, sliding up and down; this position is
both visually stimulating for the man and allows him to play with her breasts
Occasionally in adult movies you may see this position done with the woman
facing away from her partner. While the sensations giving to both partners in
this position are very different and may be very stimulating, most people feel
the loss of intimacy involved is not worth the difference.
Sitting. This position is for sex in slow
motion; the angles are all wrong for any sort of vigorous thrusting. The man
sits in a chair or cross-legged on the floor while the woman sits astride him,
usually face-to-face although it can work equally well if she faces away. This
position is good for caressing and intimacy. Some people recommend rocking
chairs for this position.
Standing. Reminiscent of "quickies" and
illicit sex in alleyways, standing is actually one of the more complicated
positions to achieve, at least face-to-face. Insertion can be difficult;
standing, the vagina is not tilted forward for easy access. Since women are on
average shorter than their male partners this position may require a short
footstool or convenient staircase step to make it possible. At any rate, someone
may want a friendly wall to hold both of them up during this act.
Another variant of standing is similar to the third one in man- on-top; the
woman faces the wall or bookcase or whatever she's using to hold herself up and
the man penetrates her vagina from behind. This position is considerably easier
than face-to-face standing, and many people like it for it's "naughty" or
Side-by-side These positions all mirror the
"on top" positions, except that the partners now lie on their sides on the bed.
They can be achieved face-to-face, at an angle or from behind. The one
difficulty with this position face-to-face is that someone has to rest their leg
atop their partners; after only a few minutes this sometimes causes cramping and
pain. Done when the woman faces away from the man, it can be slow, relaxing; one
can almost fall asleep comfortably like this. In this position, it is known as
"spooning." (The term applies mostly to the act of sleeping in that position,
not necessarily the act of sex.)
Rear-entry Although several positions
already described can also be covered under this term, most people use this term
to describe the position in which the woman kneels on her hands and knees while
the man enters her from behind. Some people strongly dislike this position
because of the lack of intimacy and the suggestion of male "dominance"; others
like it for the freedom and strength that can be employed during the act of
intercourse. The term "doggy style" has been employed to describe this position
in the past, although this descriptive is inaccurate at best.
When should we have sex? When you have sex is a decision
you will start to make only after you've gotten through the initial "all the
time!" stage. Eventually, though, any person will develop a habit of making love
with a certain pattern. Acquiring that pattern is the start of boredom; breaking
that pattern can be the road to a new discovery.
If you and your partner are prone to making love only at night, try it for
breakfast instead. Run home during lunch for a quickie. No time is more
significant to lovemaking than any other, except that the time be good for both
you and your partner.
Where should we have sex? In bed, to start with. Seriously,
there is no "better" place to make love than a bed. It's designed to hold people
lying down; it's even designed for them to be a little rambunctious.
However, like time of day, location can become boring with repetition. Moving
your sex life into a different room can be as much of a change as night and day.
For starters, try the living room; most have a couch. Spread a blanket on the
floor, start a fire in the fireplace if you have one, feed each other small,
intimate snacks like grapes and champagne, and enjoy. A quickie on the kitchen
floor (so popular since Indecent Proposal) can be fun as well.
What about the shower? The shower, as well as the
swimming pool, have their disadvantages. For one thing, lubricant doesn't last
very long in environments of such overwhelming volumes of water. For another,
usually the only position available is standing, with all of the attendant
problems of differences in height. Another common problem is that the floor of
most bathtubs is very slippery, especially if you spill lubricant on it!
However, it's frequently the only place other than the bedroom where both of you
are likely to be comfortable and naked, especially in winter. Don't let all the
"problems" listed here stop you from trying out what could become one of your
favorite places to make love.
And outdoors? Having sex outdoors has its own
challenges and rewards. Many people feel that sex outdoors is closer to nature;
others feel it is more illicit, "in full view of the whole sky." If you're going
to have sex outdoors in any position other than standing, plan ahead of time to
bring a blanket. Avoid using bug spray and sun block until afterwards-- both
taste awful. On the other hand, sunburns on your genitals can be excrutiating;
Caveat lover... Having sex in strange places is a
turn-on for many. How strange a place you want to make love is a matter of some
concern of course, since outside of the privacy of your own home, having sex in
full view is likely to arouse the interest of the local constabulary. Getting
arrested for public indecency is likely to catch the attention of your employer
as well. Plan any such dalliances in advance and scope out your intended
rendezvous point for possible problems, interruptions, and routes of escape if
necessary. And whatever you do, put your used condoms and wrappers in the trash
can; stopping litter isn't just good citizenship, here's it's a matter of sheer
Oral sex upon a vulva
cunnilingus? Cunnilingus is the fine art of
making love to a vagina with your mouth and tongue. It is a delicate skill,
requiring patience, practice, and dedication to get it right, but any woman you
learn to do it right for will appreciate you all the more for it.
What applies to the penis applies
to the vulva-- every one is different, requiring a different touch to make its
owner happy. But few tools can equal the tongue for the amount of pleasure it
can deliver to a happy vagina.
This article assumes that you
know what a vulva looks like and can identify with some precision the mons
veneris, labia majora, clitoral hood, clitoris, labia minora, urethra, vagina,
and perineum, to name them (approximately) from top to bottom.
How fast should I go? This isn't an attack. Don't go
after the clitoris like a fireman attacking a fire. Quite often at first, the
clitoris is far too sensitive for direct stimulation. Lick around it,
stimulating the hood, teasing her inner labia, tasting her. Take your time and
listen to her. Some women make noise, and some do not. It will be a while
before you learn exactly what your lover prefers as far as oral sex is
Some women may like additional stimulation-- a finger or two into the vagina, or
perhaps even the anus. She may want your hands to reach up and play with her
breasts, or she may want your fingers to hold her labia apart so that your
tongue can get at her vulva more directly.
cunnilingus doesn't taste good. If the taste or smell bothers you
or is a concern, ask her to wash first. Most people who enjoy cunnilingus agree
that a clean vagina is a good, if acquired, taste.
As a woman nears her climax, she may want more direct stimulation. In general,
fast, rhythmic stimulation is most effective at causing climax-- but there
shouldn't be a rush to get there. Take your time and learn to appreciate what
you can do for her.
What about cunnilingus during
menstruation? Some people are particularly
turned off at the suggestion of cunnilingus during menstruation. If it is a
concern to you, then wait. A tampon may well hold the blood back, as will a
diaphragm, but some men can't stand the taste anyway. If your partner is
healthy, however, there is no particular danger in menstrual blood, and some
women find that orgasms during their periods allievate cramps.
Oral sex upon a penis
What is Fellatio? Fellatio, giving head, giving a
blow-job. Many men love this kind of stimulation, and many people, both women
and men, like giving it. Fellatio is the act of applying your lips to a man's
penis with the purpose of giving him pleasure.
There are few tips to fellatio that can be given other than practice. The lips
and the tongue are the major sources of stimulation, and it is with the lips and
tongue that you should apply the attention to make him feel good. Both men and
women respond well to pressure and rhythm. A steady, strong stroke will be
enough to get the reaction you're looking for.
What if it doesn't smell or
taste good? If the smell isn't something you
enjoy, then tell him to go take a shower! While this is something you're doing
primarily for his pleasure, that doesn't mean you have to suffer if he's lacking
in hygiene! And if you're worried about germs, your mouth has millions more
germs than a clean penis.
What is "deep throating?" Deep throating is the act of
taking the penis down past your gag reflex. In reality, this particular sexual
adventure is very overrated. The best way to give fellatio is still with the
lips and tongue, taking only as much as you can without gagging. However, for
those that want to know, the basic lesson is still practice. Take the penis as
far as you can without choking, and then close your eyes and concentrate, taking
each quarter inch, telling yourself that you won't choke, that you can take it
out at any time, and slowly swallow it down. Then rise off of it just as slowly.
Are there any special spots
on the penis? Every penis is different, and
each has its sensitive spots and its preferred ways of being handled. Listen to
your lover. The sounds he makes and the feel of his body tensing are your best
clues that you're going this right.
Should I use my hands? Feel free to grasp with your
hands whatever of the penis you can't fit into your mouth. Many men like as much
stimulation as possible, and the feel of a wet mouth and a saliva-slicked hand
are enough to send them to the brink of orgasm very quickly.
What is 69? Some people feel that the best
position to perform oral sex is the 69 position, where each partner lies with
their head by the other's genitals. For fellatio, this even makes sense-- most
penises curve upwards, towards the head, and in this position that curve matches
the curve of the throat. However, it is difficult to both perform and appreciate
oral sex at the same time. Try the position, or kneel by his body, but at least
in the beginning do one thing at a time.
My boyfriend wants me to
swallow. What do I do? Which brings us to a sensitive
issue: swallowing ejaculate. For many men, this is important to them-- they like
to feel that by swallowing their semen, you complete this act of lovemaking and
accept a part of themselves into your body. But many people don't like the taste
of semen and can't bring themselves. Talk about this beforehand-- let him know
if you can't handle it, and that it's not personal.
Can I make my seminal fluids
taste better? Macrobiotic nutritionists have
actually done research on this question, and the answer is in: you are what you
eat. Common sense dictates that if you taste good, your lover will want to eat
you more often, so improving your body's taste and smell should be important to
In general, nutritionists say that alkaline-based foods such as meats and fish
produce a butter, fish taste. Dairy products, which contain a high bacterial
putrefaction level create the foulest tasting fluids by far. (Dissent: almost
everyone I know says that there is one worse than a high-dairy content--
asparagus. You can't miss the taste of asparagus-laced semen.) Acidic fruits,
such as sweets, fruits, and alcohol give bodily fluids a pleasant, sugary
flavor. Chemically processed liquors will cause an extremely acidic taste,
however, so if you're going to drink alcohol, drink high-quality, naturally
fermented beers (Rolling Rock or Kirin) or sake.
What are the contents of
semen? The question of semen content
arises especially among persons who regularly swallow semen, as in fellatio, and
who are concerned about calorie intake and nutritional substances. The average
ejaculate contains aboutonia, ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium,
chlorine, cholesterol, choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid
(DNA), fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium,
nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium,
sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, vitamin B12, and zinc.
The caloric content of an average ejaculate is estimated to be approximately 15
A last word.
There is only one true way to do
fellatio, and that's with enthusiasm. You have to love what you're doing to him,
either because you love him or you love sucking cock. Loving both is best! Faked
orgasms have nothing on lackluster fellatio.
Intercourse and Analingus
Why would anyone want to have
anal sex? For many people, anal sex is the
ultimate taboo. Buttfucking makes it sound crude and dirty, sodomy sounds
technical. In the 1990's, anal sex has been given the bad rap because HIV, the
virus that causes AIDS, is most easily transmitted by anal intercourse.
But some people love anal sex. Others hate it. Others haven't tried it yet and
are curious. And many people are attracted to it precisely because it's so taboo
What is analingus? One other part of the body that
some people enjoy licking, or having licked, is the anus. The anus has half the
nerve endings in the pelvic region and many people find touching it to be
sexually arousing. Although we haven't mentioned safer sex yet as part of this
series, we will here: the anus and rectum carry many diseases that live quite
benignly in your lower digestive tract, but which can be harmful in your mouth
or stomach. Performing anilingus is a very risky behavior for a variety of
bacterial infections. Refer to the section on safer sex techniques for ways to
protect yourself if you or your partner enjoys this activity.
Does anal sex hurt? Anal sex should not hurt. If it
hurts, you're doing it wrong. With enough lubricant and enough patience, it's
entirely possible to enjoy anal sex as a safe and fulfilling part of your sex
life. However, some people may never like it, and if your lover is one of those
people, respect their limits. Don't force the idea upon them.
Can anal sex actually give
pleasure? The pleasure of anal sex is
derived from many things. Doing something "nasty" appeals to many people,
especially about sex. Doing something different to spice up a sex life that has
become something of a bore can be part of it. And the physical sensations
available during anal sex are uniquely different from anything else. The rectum
is lined with nerve endings, some of which signal the brain to 'reward' you with
good feelings when stimulated. For men, the prostate gland can be a source of
powerful pleasure. And for a thrusting penis, the ring of the anus can be a new
and strong sensation to enjoy.
What do I need to have anal
sex? The most important pieces of
advice anyone can give on anal sex are: lubricants, condoms, and patience. The
most commonly available lubricant is KY-Jelly, a greaseless, odorless substance
available at most drug stores. Better lubricants include Astroglide, ID, Wet, or
ForePlay, some of which are available at better drug stores, and most of which
are available in some form at adult toy stores.
Do not buy anything that is oil-based. Make sure the lubricant you buy is
rated "condom compatible." Nothing else will do. Oil- based lubricants such as
vaseline or baby oil will destroy a condom long before you're done having sex.
And many oil-based sub- stances will coat the lining of the rectum, providing a
haven for many potential infections.
Do I have to use a condom? Even if you're sure that both you
and your partner are disease- free, you should still use a condom. The rectum is
home to lots of infectious bacteria that can cause burning and urethritis of the
penis. It will also help you clean up afterwards.
I'm worried that anal sex
will be messy. Anal sex should not be messy.
Most first-timers fear that it will be, but most people can tell when they have
to go. A condom will help with cleanup, of course, and if you're really
concerned, a commercial enema, like Fleet, will help beforehand.
How do we prepare for anal
sex? Patience is the third and final
thing you need to make anal sex possible. Initial penetration is always the most
difficult part of anal sex-- the anus is a tight ring of flesh at the opening of
the rectum designed to control the elimination of bodily waste. It is partially
under voluntary control, and partially reflexive to stimulation. Your partner
has to relax, and you have to go slow to coax it into opening enough to recieve
Start with a well-lubricated finger or a slim (smaller than your penis) dildo.
The dildo is more realistic, but your fingers can flex and feel what they're
doing inside her ass. Slide one finger in slowly, letting her adjust to it. Take
your finger all the way out, then push it back in again. Give her anus time to
get used to this kind of activity. Then slide a second finger in. Consider how
big your penis is and realize that two fingers is probably enough.
What position should we use
for anal sex? For actual intercourse, picking a
position can be important. Many women want to be on top, to regulate how fast
penetration occurs. Other like to lie on their stomachs, or crouch doggy-style,
or to be penetrated while lying on their sides. Choose what's best before you
As always, control yourself. Take your time and use lots of lubricant. People
who like anal sex say that "too much lube is almost enough." Listen to her-- if
she tells you it starts to hurt, back off.
Eventually, a time will come during your lovemaking where her anus will relax
enough to allow the head of your cock to 'pop' into her. If she is completely
relaxed, that pop should feel completely painless. Now just because you're
inside her is no reason to start pounding away like mad. Let her body adjust.
Take your time. Eventually you will both be ready for more.
Can I get pregnant from anal
sex? It is not technically
possible to get pregnant from anal sex; there is no way for semen to get from
the rectal tract to the vaginal tract.
However, anal sex is still not a very good method of birth control. Semen
leaking from the anus after intercourse may drip across the perineum (the short
stretch of skin separating vulva and anus) and cause what is known as a 'splash'
conception. The failure rate for this is surprisingly high! 8% of couples of who
use anal sex as a method of birth control have babies each year.
What if I don't like it? You may find that anal sex just
isn't for you. That's fine. Nothing says that you have to indulge in something
that doesn't make you feel good.
the Bedroom (And Other Places)
What is a
"sex toy?" In theory, almost anything can
take the role of a "sex toy." Other than two human bodies, anything else
introduced into sex play qualifies as either prophylaxis (contraception and
disease prevention) or recreation, i.e., a toy. For our purposes, a sex toy is
any object brought into sex play to enhance the pleasure of both people
There was some debate as to the
question "what is a sex toy?" for the purposes of this FAQ. Some argued that
this FAQ should cover those items that are only specifically for sex, whereas
others rightly pointed out that that would exclude from discussion some very
popular forms of sexual enhancement such as lingere' or food. For our purposes,
a sex toy will be anything that is either specifically intended for sexual
enhancement or commonly used for same. We're sure there are people out there
that find mountain goats, hand puppets, and Un*x System Administration manuals
suitable for sexual enhancement, but that's not "common."
kinds of vibrators are there? Vibrators come in three distinct
'types'. Many women find satisfaction in this most common (and more often
thought of), the classic penis-shaped, battery powered shaft of plastic. These
suffer, however, from a lack of real power and inconvenient battery death.
The second type of vibrator, the
'wand' vibrator, overcomes these problems with wall current. These large,
club-shaped vibrators provide LOTS of stimulation, and wall current provides all
the power you could ask for, but the designers apparently intended for people
not to view these things as sex toys, but as "personal massagers," and the
ungainliness of these things reflects that.
The third type of vibrator, the
'handle' or 'coil' type, looks vaguely like a small hairdryer with a small,
perpendicular shaft out of the thicker end to accommodate a variety of soft
plastic or latex heads. The best of all possible worlds, these vibrators never
die, fit in one hand, and can provide a variety of sensations.
Shower Massagers make a wonderful
variation on the classic vibrator, and if you enjoy the warmth and wetness of
the tub, you probably want to consider investing in a shower massager. Like the
wand and handle vibrators, shower massagers have a host of uses beyond
I go to buy a vibrator? Don't make buying a vibrator a
traumatizing experience. If you MUST have one of those penis-shaped things, most
lingerie shops carry them. But most department stores sell the 'wand' or
'handle' vibrators under the guise of "personal massagers," and buying one from
reputable department stores means a warranty, you can return it if unsatisfied,
and it won't have "Doc Johnson's Love Machine" emblazoned across it in pink
letters in case mother comes to visit.
should I know about using a vibrator? Before using any mechanical
vibrator, apply lubrication! Your lover probably does not rank friction burns in
the same category as love bites. Use a water-based lubricant, such as K-Y
(always recommended), Astroglide, or Wet.
any kinds of vibrators I should avoid? Do not purchase a vibrator
specifically designed to deliver heat to the body as a sexual device. If they
work on muscles, great, but don't use them on your cunts and cocks. I know of at
least one case where a woman burned herself with one of these things because her
climaxes were so strong she didn't notice how much the heater had burned her.
girlfriend and I have never used a vibrator. What should I know? Nobody knows how to masturbate
YOU better than you do, and the same rule applies to everybody else. Don't use a
vibrator on someone else until you've watched them use it on themselves,
preferably several times. Men, especially, should watch how their girlfriends or
wives use the vibrator alone before taking the reins.
Can I be
replaced by a vibrator? No mechanical piece of plastic
can replace the love and affection of a human being; try to see the vibrator as
just another toy, and not as competition. Vibrators cannot do the dishes or take
out the garbage, and they cannot gives hugs or kisses.
vibrators cause a woman to become less sensitive? Some women do experience a
temporary 'desensitization' after the effects of a powerful vibrator, but put
the toy away for a week and sensitivity returns to normal. There is no clinical
evidence that vibrators cause long-term desensitization.
word on vibrators. Should you buy a vibrator? That's
a decision only you can make; I personally have bought two for my wife, and a
shower massage, and they've made our sex life a whole lot better, not worse. As
always, your mileage may vary.
What is a
dildo? Dildo: An artifical substitute
for an erect penis
Dildos come in many different
shapes and sizes, but all of them are meant to do one thing: in some way, shape,
or form, they are meant to be a substitute or symbol for a real penis. If you
are inclined to believe Freud, then the Washington Monument could be considered
a dildo. For our purposes, though, a dildo is a sex toy, usually made of latex
or silicone, designed to be inserted into some bodily orifice for sexual
People use dildos for a variety
of purposes. Although most women can orgasm through clitoral stimulation, many
do enjoy the feeling of something hard and thrusting inside them during
masturbation. Many men, gay or otherwise, feel the same way, using small (or as
your tastes go, large) dildos for anal stimulation. A dildo can be used with a
harness to give a woman a penis she can thrust with and still keep her hands
I look for in buying a dildo? Buying a dildo involves a number
of factors, such as length, thickness, hardness and texture. It is strongly
recommended that you comparison shop with your hands, looking for one with a
smooth surface made of a firm, but not too firm, latex. Dildo shopping is a very
personal activity, and you should take your time buying one.
The two most common materials for
a dildo are silicone and latex. Silicone is usually more expensive, but most
people who use dildos regularly agree that its qualities of matching body
temperature and its general texture make it the superior material. As with
anything, you get what you pay for.
The most important thing to
remember is that you should start small. Buy dildos you *know* you can probably
handle, rather than ones you hope to be able to handle. Get your money's worth
out of any toy you buy.
What is a
"butt plug?" A butt plug is a kind of dildo
with a bulge in the center, much like a spindle, so that the shaft gradually
thickens, flares out, and then begins to narrow again.
In general, once inside the
rectal cavity, the flare of a well- chosen buttplug will rub directly against
those nerve clusters by the opening of the anus, the ones which signal your need
to defecate. Depending upon how your brain is wired, denying or understanding
this signal can be a very pleasurable experience, or an extremely uncomfortable
one. Also, the 'tip' of the well-chosen buttplug will rub against a man's
prostate when he moves, sending yet more signals of unknown quality to the
brain. It's all in what you like.
variants of the butt-plug are there? Other forms of "butt-plugs" are
known as doorknobs or pearlstrings. A doorknob is a round sphere of latex
mounted on a narrower shaft. Like a buttplug, it 'plugs' the orifice, but the
sensations are different. A pearlstring is a series of spheres that can be
anywhere from a half inch to three inches in diameter that you use to 'stuff'
the rectum to create a feeling of fullness.
What is a
cock ring? A cock ring is an object that
typically goes around the base of both the penis and scrotum. Since veins are
closer to the surface of the skin than arteries, this has the effect of allowing
blood to flow into the penis but restricts its ability to flow outwards. In
turn, this makes the penis get hard and stay hard for longer. Obviously, for
this to work a cock ring must be put on when the penis is unerect.
Most cock rings are made of
chromed steel or rubber. In fact, most of them are little more than high-priced
gasket rings or chrome- plated circular chain links one could buy at any
hardware store. They have to be chosen carefully, sized for the user. A
too-loose cock ring does nothing, a too-tight cock ring cuts off all retreating
blood flow, thus preventing the cock from ever getting soft, which may
sound like fun but can become painful after two or more hours, and which may
require a trip to the emergency room to remove. Some cock rings that get around
this problem are made with snaps at different places along a strap of leather,
therefore making it easy to size and to remove.
The best cock rings are even
simpler. They're a piece of leather or soft rope tied into place. (7oz leather
lace is the author's favorite, followed by 1/4" nylon rope.) Being both
infinitely adjustable and easy to remove or cut off with a pair of nurses
shears, they serve all the purpose of the toy- or hardware- store bought models.
you put on a cock ring?
Putting on a solid cock ring can
be tricky-- and taking it off can be even trickier! You have to be soft to do
either, putting first your testicles through the ring, and then your penis,
since at that stage your penis should be softer and more flexible than the
always- solid testes. Taking it off is the reverse process, but since one of the
purposes of a cock ring is to keep you hard, this can be easier said than done.
Spanish Fly? Spanish fly is a powder of ground
up wings of the CANTHARIS VESICATORIA beetle, found in the deserts of Spain and
the Southwest United States. It has the effect of irritating the outer mucous
membranes of the vagina and the penis glans (head), thus bringing your genitals
to your attention and sometimes giving you the impression that you are
'aroused.' Women may also experience lubrication as a response to this
irritation. However, the body is not actually stimulated, and intercourse is
probably painful under these conditions, although it may sometimes help to
scratch what really *is* an itch, and not desire.
Spanish fly is also quite
poisonous, and therefore illegal in the United States. Dosage is very hard to
determine, as is quality, and you're just as likely to die from Spanish fly as
you are to get laid.
the "Spanish Fly" sold in America? What is sold as "spanish fly" in
the United States is usually sold with the terms "spurious" or "placebo." I
suggest you go look these words up before buying anything with these words on
the package. Most "Spanish Fly" is nothing more than a cheap blend of vitamins
or simply a sugar pill.
What is meant
by "lubricant?" A "lubricant," (sometimes
referred to as a "sex lube," or just "lube,") is usually a water-based,
condom-friendly liquid or jelly used to enhance or replace a woman's natural
lubrication. Some people regard lubricants as a must-have item in this age of
safer sex and they are an essential ingrediant to successful anal intercourse.
The use of a lubricant on the inside of a condom can make the sensations
delivered to the penis much stronger.
Prior to the current, safer-sex
era, many people used oil-based lubricants, using vaseline or mineral oil.
Neither of these are particularly healthy; petroleum-based oils destroy latex
upon contact, making them useless for use with condoms. Oils also coat the
inside of the vagina and rectum, providing a breeding ground for dangerous
bacteria. Even monogamous couples who don't have to worry about safer sex should
avoid using oils for this reason, as well as one other: if it destroys the latex
of condoms, it will also destroy the latex of diaphragms, cervical caps, and
sponges, as well as the protective coatings around some IUDs.
So, what are
they made of? Most lubricants are made up of
one or (more commonly) several of the following: glycerin, hydroxyethyl
cellulose, or propelyene glycol. Some add aloe vera or vitamin E acetate. All
add a pH balancing agent, and most have some sort of preservative, since the
first three items are all essentially food additives, "thickening agents." Look
at a container of Slime in a toy store-- the same three primary ingredients.
are there? Although the most common brand of
sex lubricant is still "KY Jelly," you should be aware that KY is intended for
single-use medical environments; the insertion of a thermometer or catheter, for
example, and is deliberately forumlated to break down quickly. This is not good
for situations where the lubricant is expected to last a long time, such as
The names of other common brands
are: Wet, ForPlay, ID, Slip, Probe, Pride, Aqualube, Astroglide, and Elbow
Grease. Both Wet and Elbow Grease also make oil-based lubricants "for
masturbation purposes only," so read the label carefully before you buy. These
are just a few of many lubricants on the market.
best? "Best lubricant" is a
non-sequitor, since lubricant choice is as personal to taste as food. Some
people like it thick, others runny, others need it to be slick enough to grease
their engines and others need it to last long enough to go for hours. Small
sampler bottles (1 oz.) are available for a dollar apiece-- buy one of each and
try them out. Figure out which one you like best.
clothing a "sex toy?" There is some debate about this,
but one thing is hard to deny: clothing is sexy. Whether it's a silk nightgown
from Victoria's Secret, a military uniform, the leather jacket of a biker or the
riding clothes of an equestrienne, some form of clothing is usually someone
else's ideal of "sexy clothing."
"Fetish Clothing?" Fetish wear is usually clothing
made of leather, latex, or rubber cut in a specific style to accentuate the body
and show it off in a sexually arousing fashion. Fetish wear is a specific genre
of clothing and as recognizable as such as swimwear or lingere. Fetish wear's
most common characteristic is price; the stuff's expensive. Remember that it is
only a fad, after all, and will be as out of style as the discowear of the
*is* sexy clothing? That depends entirely on who you
and your lover are. If you like your lover to wear silk, say so-- hopefully
they'll enjoy the suggestion. Leather, denim, uniform clothing-- allow your
imagination to run wild. A more outrageous suggestion is period clothing, such
as the 1920's, or the 1400's. And even further out, one could suggest wearing
masks to allow fantasy to run riot-- animal masks are a popular item in this
Food is sexy? Many lingere shops actively sell
food items-- whipped cream, powdered honey, flavored jellies and jams. I guess
the idea is that if they're sold in lingere shops they must be sexy. Many
romances start over dinner, and cooking for someone can be as intimate, or as
traumatic, as having sex with them.
What kinds of
food are sexy? While almost any kind of food can
be sexy, some are more traditional than others. Sweets, such as chocolates, are
actual tokens of affection, exchanged on Saint Valentine's day as well as other
occassions. In the bedroom, chocolate can be spread on the body and licked off.
The same is true of honey or any other spreadable substance. Whipped cream is
another popular food item. And a small spill of champagne over the vulva can
take care of any concerns one might have about the taste-- for a little while,
Fruits can be sexual as well--
bananas are often compared to penises (or the other way around) because of their
shape and size. Xaveria Hollander, "The happy hooker," once referred to peaches
as "the fruit that looks most like a woman's vulva." And grapes, fed one at a
time, are a staple of B-movies about decadent, imperial Romans.
Almost anything edible can be
sexy. At least two movies in recent times have depicted sushi as sexy. Placing
doughnuts around a man's erect penis and then eating them off can be an act of
Be aware that any sugary
substance placed into the vagina will vastly increase the chance of a yeast
infection. It is best to avoid getting chocolate, honey, and the like into the
Disclaimer: Nothing in this FAQ is intended to be taken as a recommendation or
endorsement of illegal substance use. It is the intention of this FAQ to
accurately report the effects of those substances that its readers may choose to
use upon their sexual functioning, both positive and negative.
Alcohol. The only "legal" drug in this
short list of mind-altering chemicals, alcohol is widely available in most of
the known world. Alcohol is primarily a depressant, although it small doses it
may cause free-association that leads to violence where hostility already
exists. Alcohol is used in a sexual context to "loosen one up," overcoming
inhibitions to proceed to the sexual act itself; however, it's depressant effect
may also cause temporary impotence.
Nitrite. Also known as "poppers," "Rush,"
"Locker Room," or "Head Cleaner." Currenly controlled in the US, although
designer variants of butyl nitrite, isobutyl nitrite, and cyclohexyl nitrite are
still available in some states. This drug relaxes the smooth muscles of the
vascular system, resulting in a momentary "rush" that is primarly the result of
oxygen depravation to the brain. Also relaxes the vaginal and anal sphincters
and was once popular with gay men for that effect. Produces intense headaches in
about a quarter of all users.
Cocaine. Sex on cocaine is frequently
described as "the most intense in the world." (Of course, that's said about
crystal methamphetamine, too.) Cocaine elevates the perceived effect of arousal,
both male and female. Depression is a common post-high effect. Chronic use leads
to full-blown paranoia, psychological dependancy, and impotence.
Marijuana. There is a lot of controversy
over marijuana, and has been touted as "the most powerful aphrodisiac in the
world." But neither marijuana nor any other drug will create passion where there
is none to begin with. Many people who have used marijuana during sex have
reported enhanced sensations, longer durations, and increased arousal. However,
marijuana may also make sex more difficult because of its tranquilizing effect.
LSD-25. Lysergic Acid Diethylamide. A
powerful psychedelic, most people who have tried to have sex under the influence
of LSD have stated that their nervous systems were far too overloaded with basic
sensations to try and engage in anything as complex as sex. For those who have
succeeded, however, the effect as with all LSD experiences-- depending on
setting and preconceptions about the experience, it can be exhilirating or
U.S. Legal Issues and
States Sodomy Laws, state by state
In the first column, an M
indicates misdemeanor, F is felony.
13A-6-65,Sexual Misconduct, 1 year/$2000
Does not apply to married couples.
ALASKA Repealed effective 1980
13-1411, Crime Against Nature (anal intercourse), 30 days/$500
M 13-1412, Lewd and Lascivious Acts,
5-14-111, Sodomy, 1 year/$1000, same sex only
passed unanimously "aimed at weirdos and queers who live in a fairyland world
and are trying to wreck family life." Signed into law by governor in 1977.
CALIFORNIA Repealed effective 1976
COLORADO Repealed effective 1972
CONNECTICUT Repealed effective 1971
DELAWARE Repealed effective 1973
M 800.02, Unnatural and Lascivious
Act, 60 days/$500
16-6-2, Sodomy, 1 to 20 years
as to homosexuals on the grounds that there is no fundamental federal
constitutional right to "engage in sodomy." Bowers v. Hardwick, 478 U.S. 186
M 16-6-15, Solicitation of Sodomy, 1
HAWAII Repealed effective 1973
F 18-6605, Crime Against Nature, 5
years to life
ILLINOIS Repealed effective 1962
First state to repeal sodomy
laws, in 1961.
INDIANA Repealed effective 1977
Earlier effort to repeal said
legalization might "give us an opportunity to study it more openly, and to see
what causes it, in the hope that we can eventually eliminate it."
IOWA Repealed effective 1978
M 21-3505, Sodomy, 6 months/$1000,
same sex only
Held unconstitutional by state
Supreme Court 1992. Commonwealth v. Wasson
Crime Against Nature, 5 years/$2000.
unconstitutional by Orleans Parish Court, appeal pending.
MAINE Repealed effective 1976
27-553, Sodomy, 10 years
27-554, Unnatural or Perverted Sexual Practices, 10 years/$1000
not to apply to noncommercial, hetrosexual activity in private. Schochet v.
272-34, Crime Against Nature, 20 years
272-35, Unnatural and Lascivious Acts, 5 years/$100-$1000
Against Nature applies only to anal intercourse. Unnatural and Lascivious Acts
has been held not apply to private consensual adult behavior. Commonwealth v.
Balthazar, Supreme Judicial Court 1974. It has been suggested that such a
ruling would apply to Crime Against Nature.
750.158, Crime Against Nature, 15 years
unconstitutional as applied to private, consensual adult behavior. Michigan
Organization for Human Rights v. Kelly (Wayne County Circ. Ct. 1990), no
appeal taken, only applies to Wayne County. Held consitutional by Michigan Court
of Apeals (People v. Brashier) 1992, effective outside of Wayne County.
Decision is needed from the Michigan Supreme Court.
609.293, Sodomy, 1 year/$3000
Minnesota's law also prohibits sex between humans and birds.
F 97-29-59, Unnatural Intercourse,
M 566.090, Sexual Misconduct, 1
year/$1000, same sex only
F 45-5-505, Deviate Sexual Conduct,
10 years/$50,000, same sex only
NEBRASKA Repealed effective 1978
NEVADA Repealed effective 1993
NEW HAMPSHIRE Repealed effective 1975
NEW JERSEY Repealed effective 1979
NEW MEXICO Repealed effective 1975
Held unconstitutional by state
Supreme Court 1980, People v. Onofre
F 14-177, Crime Against Nature, 10
years / discretionary fine
NORTH DAKOTA Repealed effective 1975
OHIO Repealed effective 1974
21-886, Crime Against Nature, 10 years
effort to repeal sodomy laws was met with a vote-delaying "chorus of giggles."
OREGON Repealed effective 1972
Held unconstitutional by state
Supreme Court 1980. Commonwealth v. Bonadio
F 11-10-1, Crime Against Nature,
7-20 years. Includes "ordinary extramarital intercourse."
16-15-120, Buggery, 5 years/$500
actually legislates the "abominable crime of buggery." No further statutory
SOUTH DAKOTA Repealed effective 1977
M 39-13-510, Homosexual Acts, 30
days/$50, same sex only
Found unconstitutional by state
Court of Appeals, England v. Dallas, no appeal taken. Effective 1994 with
the dismissal of Morales v. State.
76-5-403, Sodomy, 6 months/$1000
the Republican State Convention added a plank to its platform stating that
homosexuals should be denied the civil, political, social, and economic
rights guaranteed to others.
VERMONT Repealed effective 1977
F 18.2-361, Crime Against Nature,
WASHINGTON Repealed effective 1976
WEST VIRGINIA Repealed effective 1976
WISCONSIN Repealed effective 1983
WYOMING Repealed effective 1977
D.C. Repealed effective 1993
AMERICAN SAMOA Repealed effective ?
GUAM Repealed effective ?
N. MARIANA IS. Repealed effective ?
VIRGIN ISLANDS Repealed effective ?
Criminal, penalties unknown.
Bob Summersgill <xe605C@GWUVM.GWU.EDU> DC Sodomy-Law reform coalition.
Consent in the United States, by
As of August 6, 1994
 Age 16 if the man is 21 or
 If the female is over 12, the statute applies only to virgins.
 If the victim is 14 or fifteen and the defendant is within three years of
age, the court has discretion.
Contributed by:Bill Casti <firstname.lastname@example.org>
the various methods of contraception and their effectiveness rates?
Failure Rates, Advantages, Causes of Failure, and Side Effects
Potential Negative Side
Potential Advantages to
Possible Causes of
Failure That Could Result in Pregnancy
Avoiding planning for eventual use of contraception.
No cost or health risks.
Freedom from worry about pregnancy.
Inability to continue
Inability to fully relax
during sexual intercourse and not be on guard. Frustration created by
inability to ejaculate in the vagina.
No cost or preparation
involved. No risks to health (if sexually transmitted diseases are
absent). Available even if no other methods are.
Lack of ejaculatory
control, causing ejaculation in vagina. Ejaculating semen too close to
vaginal opening after withdrawing. Sperm present in pre-ejaculatory
fluid from the penis (even more likely if intercourse is repeated within
a few hours).
Planning/Fertility Awareness (Rhythm Method)
Sexual frustration during
periods of abstinence.
Accepted by Roman
Catholic Church. May be used to increase chances of pregnancy if that
choice is made. No health risks.
Inadequate time devoted
to charting female's menstrual cycle or misunderstanding of method.
Ovulation at an unexpected time in the cycle. Deciding to have
intercourse during the unsafe period of the cycle, without other
Contraceptive (birth control pill containingestrogen and progestin)
Nausea, weight gain,
fluid retention, breast tenderness, headaches, missed menstrual periods,
acne. Mood changes, depression, anxiety, fatigue, decreased sex drive.
Circulatory diseases. Gastrointestinal disorders.
protection all the time. Brings increased regularity to menstrual cycle.
Tends to reduce menstrual cramping.
Not taking pills as
directed or skipping a pill. Improper supervision by clinician. Ceasing
taking the pills for any reason.
Minipill (progestin only)
periods are a common side effect. Bleeding between menstrual periods.
Appearance of ovarian cysts.
Safer for older women.
Reliable; offers protection all the time. Brings increased regularity to
menstrual cycle. Tends to reduce menstrual
Not taking pills as
directed or skipping a pill. Improper supervision by clinician. Ceasing
taking the pills for any reason.
Slight visibility of
implants. Menstrual cycle irregularities. Improper insertion or
difficult removal. May have risks similar to pills, but research is
Extremely reliable. Requires no attention after initial treatment.
Use beyond a 5-year
period. Gaining a significant amount of weight (less effective in women
over 155 lbs.).
Weight gain. Excessive
bleeding. Menstrual cycle irregularities. Increased depression. Decrease
in sex drive. May be associated with slight increase in breast cancer
risk for younger women, but research is incomplete.
Neglecting to get
reinjected after 3 months.
spermicide) Note: Manufacture of this method was discontinued in 1995
Increased risk of toxic
shock syndrome. Allergic reaction to polyurethane or spermicide. Vaginal
dryness. Increased risk of vaginal yeast infections.
Ease of use. Relatively
inexpensive. Protection over 24 hours, several acts of intercourse. No
odor or taste.
Difficulty in proper
insertion and placement. Internal anatomical abnormalities that
interfere with placement or retention.
Cervical cap with
Possible risk of toxic
shock syndrome. Allergic reaction to rubber or spermicide. Abrasions or
irritation to vagina or cervix.
Can be left in place for
long periods of time.
Improper fitting or
insertion/placement. Deterioration by oil-based lubricants or vaginal
Spermicidal Foam, Cream,
Jelly, Suppositories, or Film
Allergic reactions to
chemical. Unpleasant taste of chemical during oral-genital sex.
prescription. Minimal health risks. Easy to carry and use. s, Does not
Slippage of outer rim
into vagina during intercourse. Twisting of pouch during intercourse.
Allergic reactions to
latex (natural "skin" condoms are also available and nonlatex rubber
condoms will soon be available as well). Some reduction in sensation on
prescription. Offers protection from sexually transmitted diseases. A
method for which the man can take full responsibility. Easy to carry and
Breakage of condom. Not
leaving space at tip of condom to collect sperm. Lubrication with
petroleum jelly, or presence of some vaginal medications, weakening
rubber condom. Seepage of semen around opening of condom or condom
slipping off in the vagina after coitus. Storing of condom for more than
2 years or in temperature extremes. Not placing condom on penis at
beginning of intercourse.
Female Condom (Vaginal
Some reduction in
sensations of intercourse. Relatively high rate of contraceptive
failure. Sometimes makes noises.
Allows woman to choose
protection from disease, along with contraception. Available without
Slippage of outer rim
into vagina during intercourse. Twisting of pouch during intercourse.
Allergic reaction to the
rubber (plastic diaphragms are also available) or spermicide. Increased
risk of toxic shock syndrome. Bladder infection or vaginal soreness
because of pressure from rim.
Negative side effects are
rare. Inexpensive; can be re-used.
Improper fitting or
insertion of the diaphragm. Removal of diaphragm too soon (within 6-8
hours of coitus). Not using sufficient amount of spermicidal jelly with
the diaphragm. Leakage in or around diaphragm or slippage of of
diaphragm. Deterioration by oil-based lubricants or vaginal medications.
(IUD): Progesterone T (Progestasert) Copper T 380A Levonorgestrel
abnormal bleeding, and heavy menstrual flow. Pelvic inflammatory disease
or perforation of the uterus during insertion of the IUD; also violent
allergic reaction; infection of the ovaries.
Reliable. Can be left in
place, so that nothing must be remembered or
Failure to notice that
IUD has been expelled by uterus.
implications of being infertile can sometimes lead to some sexual
Permanent; no other
preparations. Very reliable. Minimal health risks.
intercourse before reproductive tract is fully cleared of sperm
following vasectomy (may be several months). Healing together of the two
cut ends of the vas deferens.
Contributed by Sam Hulick
From Sexuality Today, by
Gary F. Kelly
Risk statistics with Contraception
Activity Chance of Death in a Year
for men and women of all ages who participate in:
Motorcycling 1 in 1,000
Automobile driving 1 in 6,000
Power boating 1 in 6,000
Rock climbing 1 in 7,500
Playing football 1 in 25,000
Canoeing 1 in 100,000
for women aged 15 to 44 years:
Using Tampons 1 in 350,000
Having sexual intercourse (PID) 1 in 50,000
Using birth control pills
nonsmoker 1 in 63,000
smoker 1 in 16,000
Using IUDs 1 in 100,000
Using diaphragm, condom or spermicide NONE
Using fertility awareness methods NONE
Continuing pregnancy 1 in 14,300
Illegal abortion 1 in 3,000
Before 9 weeks 1 in 500,000
Between 9-12 weeks 1 in 67,000
Between 13-15 weeks 1 in 23,000
After 15 weeks 1 in 8,700
The source is the 1990-1992, 15th
Revised Edition of Contraceptive Technology. Authored by too many doctors to
cite. However, this book is used by millions of doctors around theworld as an
authority on contraception. Its authors gather their sources from data published
by several different statistic gathering organizations (such as the Centres for
Disease Control) and then compile and interpret it in their book. Happy Reading.
Common Methods of
Has a failure rate of 2% (i.e.
out of 100 women who primarily use the diaphragm, two become pregnant in any
year). Always use spermicide; both partners must learn how to place it
properly. It has few associated risks; it cannot become 'lost' because the
vagina is only a few inches long. Can 'slip' and press against the rectum; this
can be uncomfortable. Also, some men can feel the diaphragm during intercourse.
Some women have recurrent yeast infections when using the diaphragm.
The average diaphragm costs about
20-30 dollars, but it must first be sized and fitted by a gynecologist, so there
is the cost of a doctor's fee. Must be replaced every two years to ensure
correct fit and product lifespan. A tube of Gynol II costs around 11 dollars and
is good for 24 doses of spermicide.
The major disadvantage to the
diaphragm is that it must be used one of two ways; either it is inserted before
any sort of sexual play, in which case the taste of spermicide can become an
issue if the couple wishes to engage in oral sex, or is inserted after oral sex
but before intercourse, which can be considered a major interruption of play and
may lead to not using it all.
(SOURCE: "The New Our Bodies,
Ourselves" The Boston Women's Health Book Collective, 1984. Pgs 225-228.)
The Female Condom
The female condom is a soft,
loose-fitting plastic pouch made of polyurethane (not latex) that lines the
vagina. It has a semi-stiff plastic ring at each end. The inner ring is used to
insert the device inside the vagina and hold it in place. The outer ring partly
covers the labia area and holds the condom open. The female condom is market in
the United States by Wisconson Pharmaceuticals under the name Reality. In
the United Kingdom and Canada it is marketed under the name Femidom.
Market acceptance testing has been going on for over a year, and on August 15,
1994, Wisconson Pharmaceuticals began widespread marketing of Reality.
In theory, the polyurethane
construction of the female condom makes it viable to use with oil-based
lubricants, and Wisconson Pharmaceutical's hotline states that this is safe. The
female condom is also the best viable alternative available for those people who
are allergic to latex. The female condom should notbe used for anal sex--
the anus has no upper end and the outer ring is not enough to prevent it from
being pushed into the anus and become lost.
Inserting the female condom.
The female condom can be inserted
up to 8 hours before sex. However, most women prefer to insert it between 2 and
20 minutes prior to sexual intercourse. The condom should be removed immediately
Squeeze the inner ring with your
thumb and middle finger, placing your index finger down upon the plastic inside
the inner ring. Still squeezing, spread the labia apart. With your hand
positioned with your palm towards you, insert the female condom into the vagina.
Push the inner ring and pouch the rest of the way into the vagina until the
inner ring is up past the pubic bone. The outside ring should now lie against
the vulva, covering the opening of the vagina.
The female condom after
During intercourse, the female
condom may move or shift. It should not be pushed into the vagina, and the outer
ring is intended to prevent this. However, it may happen. If so, stop
intercourse, fix the ring, and apply more lubricant to the penis or in the
After intercourse, the female
condom should be disposed of in a trashcan. Do not flush the female condom in
The pregnancy rate for the female
condom under normal use is expected to be comparable to that of the male condom
(13%). However, because of a lack of familiarity with the device, initial
results have been discouraging, with rates as high as double that (26%). The
female condom requires the use of an external, water-soluble lubricant. A
package of Reality, the brand available in the United States, comes with
three female condoms and a small bottle of lubricant (1/2 oz). The lubricant is
comparable in quality to Astroglide.
The female condom requires
practice to use properly. Be prepared to take your time inserting it the first
time. Those who have experience using a diaphragm will find the process
The female condom has not
been tested in its efficiency to prevent disease. It is expected to be as
effective as a male condom. However, the insertion process calls for two steps:
inserting the ring, where the hand is outside the pouch and in contact
with vaginal fluids, and then fitting the ring, where the fingers are inside
the pouch, thus spreading those fluids about the pouch where the penis will go.
While there are solutions to this problem (have each partner do one of these
steps, wear gloves for half the process, or wash hands before the fitting
stage), none of them are adequate for most people. The female condom should not
be considered a viable protection for STDs in cases where the woman is suspected
to have a mucosal infection such as herpes or HPV.
In the United States, Reality
has been available primarily through Planned Parenthood. Wisconson
Pharmaceuticals has started shipping to drug stores and it should be available
throughout the U.S. in the last quarter of 1994. Reality is somewhat
pricey-- three condoms and a small bottle of lubricant cost approximately $7.00
My wife and I were part of a
marketing test group for Reality. It's expensive, difficult to learn how
to use, and not very effective at preventing STDs without extraordinary
measures. However, I happen to like it. Without enough lubricant, it will stick
to the skin of the penis and act just as a male condom. With enough lubricant it
feels much better than a male condom-- the penis responds mostly to
friction, and that's what Reality supplies. A friend of mine who is
allergic to latex thinks they're a gift from heaven. Some gay men have
tried using Reality for anal sex, with mixed but generally positive
results. Wisconson Pharmaceutical has announced, rather loudly, that they have
no intention of making the modification necessary to make Reality truly
viable for anal sex.
comes with an instruction booklet. The booklet is hilarious, mostly because of
the name of the product. For example:
- Use a new Reality with
each and every sex act.
- Read instructions carefully
before using Reality.
- The booklet explains how to use
- Don't tear Reality.
Reality only works when
you use it.
- Make sure Reality is not
twisted after insertion.
Reality should not be
noisy during sex.
Reality may shift during
- Keep Reality out of the
reach of children.
If you have the opportunity to
purchase and try Reality, do so at least once. Get three condoms and a
bottle of lubricant and try them out. Any new reproductive technology is
worthwhile, and who knows-- you might like them.
This is a posting of information
about types of condoms which are significantly larger or smaller than average. I
got it out of a book called "The Condom Book" or something similarly
One thing that was apparent from
reading through the descriptions was that advertising on size (or for that
matter thickness or ribbing or whatever) is often misleading. A brand which is
claimed to be smaller than average frequently isn't outside the normal
variation. There may also be differences in size based on variations in
manufacturing and these figures were probably based on single samples. Different
size measurements for different styles of the same brand may indicate such
variations or be an attempt to provide some size variation, in which case
getting the precise style named is important. All measurements are flat and
don't take into account elasticity, which might influence comfort when worn.
Typical condom flat widths range from 2" to 2-1/8" (meaning two and one eighth,
not two minus an eight). All the condoms listed here are both lubricated and
reservoir ended. Company names are listed in parentheses. Extra words which may
appear in the name on some packages are listed in square brackets. It is
possible I've copied some numbers wrong (and other disclaimer noises).
(Mentor): 2" by 8", not smaller, but has adhesive inside
(Barnetts): slightly less than 2" by 7-1/4", packaged in thatfrustrating plastic wrapper
[Sheik] Fetherlite (Schmid): 1-7/8" by 7-1/2"
(Circle): 1-7/8" by 7-1/8"
(Circle): 1-7/8" by 7-3/4" to prevent slippage, rather expensive though
(Schmid): 2-1/4" by 8-1/4", Excita Extra has spermicide
[Lifestyle] [Horizon] Nuda (Ansel): 2-5/8" head, 2-1/8" shaft, by 8-1/8"
[Ramses] NuForm (Schmid): 2-1/2" upper, 2+" lower,by 8-1/4, has benzocaine anaesthetic
Rider (Ansel): 2-1/2" by 8" thick but doesn't block sensations, raised studs
Ribbed (Schmid): 2-1/4", forgot to note length
wide variation in Sheik. Elite with spermicide and
Lubricated (with benzocaine?) are both 2-1/8". Fetherlite is
Trojan-Enz Lubricated (Carter-Wallace): 2-1/4" by 8"
Man-form Lubricated (Protex): 2" by 8-3/4" long packaged in thatfrustrating plastic wrapper
[Trojan] Naturalube (Carter-Wallace): 2" by 8-5/8"
HIV / AIDS
Full name: Human
Immunodeficiency Virus / Acquired ImmunoDeficiency Syndrome. It is important to
distinguish between the two. HIV is the virus that ultimately causes AIDS. AIDS
is a syndrome, a collection of symptoms associated with HIV infection.
infected with HIV may have no symptoms for up to fifteen years. During this
time, they are capable of infecting anyone they have sex with or donate blood
to. Initial symptoms of HIV infection include inexplicable weight loss,
persistent fever, swollen lymph nodes, and reddish spots on the skin (Karposi's
causes the destruction of the immune system. It's most pronounced symptoms,
therefore, are opportunistic infections of pneumocystis carinii, fungal
infections, tuberculosis, and various herpes forms.
Treatment: There is
no cure for HIV / AIDS. Right now most scientists agree that if you are infected
with HIV, you will eventually die of AIDS. Treatment may fend off infections,
however the typical course is for one overwhelming infection to follow another
until the victim succumbs. Various drugs may slow the virus, but right now there
is no cure.
Transmission: In a
person infected with HIV, the virus can be present in the body's semen, blood,
and breast milk. It can also be present, in much smaller quantities, in vaginal
secretion, saliva, and tears.
virus can be transmitted via any of these fluids, but only the first two --
semen and blood -- are likely to be involved. Anal sex is the most commonly
perceived method of transfer, but vaginal sex has been repeatedly shown to
transmit HIV. Men are less likely than women to be infected through vaginal sex,
but there are recorded cases of men having been infected this way. Cunnilingus
and fellatio have also been established as capable of transmitting the virus.
Sexual activities, not sexual orientation, transmit the virus.
cannot be passed on through casual contact, hugging, hand-shaking, touching the
sweat of an infected person, or mosquito bites.
Testing: The HIV
test shows the presence of antibodies to HIV. It does not show the presence of
the virus: the body first has to develop antibodies, which normally takes about
six weeks. Hence, a positive result means that someone has antibodies and could
possibly develop AIDS in the future. A negative result means that someone does
not have antibodies at the moment. If there is a reason to think that
exposure was more recent than six weeks, then a test taken immediately can only
serve as a baseline to compare against a test taken later. Within six months of
HIV infection, 99% of the population will test positive. No one should be tested
for HIV without first obtaining counselling and ensuring beforehand
support from his or her family or friends.
The following numbers may be of
Hotline (800) 342-2437
Information Clearing House (800) 458-5231 9-7 EST
Ethnicity, Age recording (404) 330-3020
Transmission mode recording (404) 330-3021
Top 10, Projections recording (404) 330-3022
Yellowish discharge from the penis. Painful, frequent urination. Symptoms
develop from two to thirty days after infection. Roughly 20% of infected men
have no symptoms. Later stages of the infection may move into the prostate,
seminal vesicles, and epididymis, causing severe pain and fever. Rare cases can
lead to septic arthritis. Untreated, gonorrhea can lead to sterility.
Female Symptoms: Under
half of women with gonorrhea show no symptoms, or symptoms so mild they are
commonly ignored. Early symptoms include increased vaginal discharge, irritation
of the external genitals, pain or burning on urination and abnormal menstrual
bleeding. Women who are untreated may develop severe complications. The
infection will usually spread to the uterus, Fallopian tubes, and ovaries,
causing Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID). PID, though not only caused by
gonorrhea, is the most common cause of female infertility. Early symptoms of PID
are lower abdominal pain, fever, nausea, vomiting, and pain during intercourse.
Gonorrhea is a bacterial infection, and is therefore treated with standard
antibiotics, usually a member of the penicillin family. Tetracycline drugs
frequently do not cure gonorrhea, especially in cases of anal infection. One
variety of gonorrhea, penicilliase-producing N. gonorrhea, is immune to
penicillin, and drugs of the cyclosporin family may be necessary.
bacteria that causes gonorrhea can be passed through sexual contact, such as
intercourse, fellatio, anal sex, cunnilingus and even kissing, although the last
Primary Stage: A
chancre sore develops at the site of infection from two to four weeks after
infection has occurred. The chancre is painless 75% of the time. The chancre
starts as a dull red spot, turns into a pimple, which ulcerates, forming a round
or oval sore with a red rim. The sore heals in 4-6 weeks - however, the
infection is still present. The chancre is usually found on the genitals or
anus, but can appear on any part of the skin.
Secondary Stage: One week
to six months after the chancre heals. Pale red or pinkish rash appears (often
on palms or soles) fever, sore throat, headaches, joint pains, poor appetite,
weight loss, hair loss. Moist sores may appear around the genitals or anus and
are highly infectious. Symptoms usually last three to six months, but can come
Latent Stage: No
apparent symptoms, and the carrier is no longer contagious. However, the
organism is insinuating itself into the host's tissues. 50 to 70 percent of
carriers pass the rest of their lives without the disease leaving this stage.
The reminder pass into Last Stage syphilis.
Last Stage: Serious
heart problems, eye problems, brain and spinal cord damage, with a high
probability of paralysis, insanity, blindness or death.
Penicillin by injection, or a two-week regimen of tetracycline, is the standard
treatment for syphilis. Two follow-up blood tests two weeks apart after ending
treatment are necessary to ensure the treatment is complete. The first three
stages of syphilis are completely curable, and even in the last stage syphilis
can be stopped. With the present medical technology to diagnose and treat
syphilis, no one should ever suffer the effects of last-stage syphilis.
Nominally sexual contact, but can be transmitted by blood transfusion or from an
infected pregnant woman to her fetus.
and Human Papilloma Virus
Symptoms: Half of
the people infected with HPV do not show any symptoms. When symptoms are
present, they are small, visible warts appearing at the tip of the penis or at
the opening of vagina. In women, HPV also causes cervical lesions. Warts can
occur anywhere on the shaft of penis or the scrotum in men, and anywhere around
the labial area or inside the vagina in women. In women, an abnormal Pap smear
may indicate cervical lesions, but a coloscopy is necessary to confirm this.
are pinpoint infections, and can be treated as such. Podophyllin solution,
trichlorocetic acid, and fluorouracil cream are three chemical solutions used to
burn warts from the skin. Liquid nitrogen or lasers are sometimes used, as well
as electrodessication. A six-month check-up is necessary to confirm that all the
warts were destroyed, and even then a small percentage of people may experience
a recurrence of warts within 18 months.
virus is transmitted through sexual contact. Warts are considered very
contagious even in people who show no visible symptoms.
Full Name: Herpes
Simplex Virus I and Herpes Simplex Virus II. HSV-I is most often associated with
cold sores or fever blisters about the mouth and lips, while HSV-II is
associated with sores around the gential area. There is some crossover, however,
and each virus will survive quite comfortably in both regions.
is marked by clusters of small, painful blisters on the genitals. After a few
days, the blisters burst, leaving small ulcers. In men, the blisters usually
appear on the penis, but can appear in the urethra or rectum. In women, they
usually appear on the labia, but can appear on the cervix and anal area. First
outbreaks are accompanied by fever, headache, and muscle soreness for two or
more consecutive days in 39% of men and 68% of women. Other relatively common
symptoms include painful urination discharge from the urethra or vagina, and
tender, swollen lymph nodes in the groin. These symptoms tend to disappear
within two weeks. Aseptic meningitis occurs in 8 percent of cases, eye
infections in 1% of cases, and infection of the cervix in 88% of infected women.
Skin lesions last on average 16.5 days in men, 19.7 in women. Secondary symptoms
are most prominent in the first four days and then gradually diminish.
Recurrence: None in
10% of cases. Frequency for the remaining population is from once a month to
once every few years. The majority of sufferers do not have repeat attacks after
a few years. Most repeat attacks are less severe than the initial attack.
Treatment: There is
no medical cure for herpes. Treatment with acyclovir reduces pain and viral
reproduction during outbreaks of sores, although it will not delay or prevent
Generally by sexual contact. Direct contact with infected genitals can cause
transmission via intercourse, rubbing genitals together, oral genital contact,
anal sex, or oral/anal contact. In addition, normally protected areas of skin
can become infected if there is a cut, rash, sore. Herpes viruses can be spread
in some instances by kissing, if one participant has the infection sited in or
near the mouth.
lice are just that, lice that has infested your public hair. The most common
symptom is intense itching, usually felt mostly at night. Some victims have no
symptoms, others may develop an allergic rash.
shampoos and lotions exist to kill lice, but the best solution is simply to
shave off the pubic and hair and shower vigorously afterwards.
Nominally through sexual contact, however they may be picked up through use of
sheets, towels or clothing used by an infected person.
Urethritis (NSU) or Nongonoccal Urethritis (NGU)
Chlamydia trachomatous, T. mycoplasma, ureaplasma urealyticum, mycolasma hominis.
An estimated quarter of cases are allergic reactions to latex or spermicide.
to gonorrhea but usually milder. Urethral discharge is generally thin and clear.
Planned Parenthood estimates that half of the women with one of these diseases
doesn't know it. NSU/NGU in women can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease and
Transmission: In cases
involving a pathogen, sexual intercourse, as well as hands with semen or vaginal
secretions on them infecting the eye.
Penicillin is generally not effective against NGU/NSU- causing organisms.
Tetracycilne is generally prescribed; sulfa drugs are effective against
chlamydia but not the others.
half of those who get hepatitis B will suffer from an inflammation of the liver,
called acute hepatitis. Many people with hepatitis B mistake the symptoms for
other illnesses, such as the flu, while others are more seriously affected and
may miss school or work for months. Other common symptoms include skin rashes
and arthritis, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, malaise, abdominal pain, and
jaundice (yellowing of the eyes and skin).
Treatment: There is
no cure for hepatitis B. There is a vaccine, however, that is very effective. It
is also expensive. Consult your physician. A small percentage of people who
acquire hepatitis B will carry the virus in their bloodstreams for the rest of
their lives as carriers.
Hepatitis B is transmitted through contact with the bodily fluids of an infected
person, and that includes sexual contact. It is a considered a highly infectious
disease and should be taken seriously.